Going Through The Motions Of LifeI don't know what is wrong with me today. I had a bad day yesterday. I'm not good with the holidays and yesterday was just that...typical. Today...all I want to do is sit here and cry. I really wish I was somewhere else instead of here. I was like this yesterday.
I have no want. I don't want to be around anyone. It's raining outside. I'm freezing. I'm at work. I would rather be at home, in bed, under the covers. I'm giving excuses as to why I am not going to lunch, why I am not meeting my niece, why I don't want to be around people. The truth of the matter, I feel like someone has just crushed me.
I have work I need to do today. Everyone is taking turns walking over to the mall and shopping and I don't even feel like doing that. It normally feels good to do a little retail therapy, but I have absolutely no interest. I just want to shut down and be done today. I need stimulating conversation to help me.
Yesterday, it seemed like all I did was argue with my husband, which turned into a disasterous reunion with my niece and nephew, then turned into another argument with another niece. My mother drives me insane.
I do not feel loved by my husband. I feel like we are live in roommates. There is no intimacy, no romance, no sexual relationship. Hell, maybe there is no marriage left and we are just going through the motions. I do as a wife should, I guess. I cook, I clean, I do the laundry. I have two jobs and shortly I will be attending school full time. I don't know what else I should be doing to try to keep peace.
Does anyone else ever feel like they are not worthy of love, affection, and support?