I Don't Care

Sometimes I just don't seem to care about myself.  I don't know how or why it really gets to this point.  I feel so unloveable, so alone, so not deserving or worthy.  I feel that I have nothing to offer, no more fight left in me.  No more tears or joy.  I'm stuck in a place where nothing matters.  I don't know if it's inprisonment of some kind but it sure feels that way in my mind.  My heart is heavy.  My hope is gone.  I don't know how to break out of this prison cell.

I think, no I scream out in my mind, please help me.  Help me what?  I don't even know what's wrong. 

I want to cry out, but nothing comes out.  I can't feel.  I can't think.  But at the same time I feel deeply.  There's a knot in my soul.  I feel bad and I think negative thoughts and no matter how hard I try to change that it's useless. 

I'm deeply sadened and deeply afraid, but of what I couldn't tell you.  It's overwhelming and debilitating.  I'm crying on the inside.  I'm hating.  I'm angry.  I'm sick.  I just want and need to get out of this funk. 

I keep asking myself, Where is the love? 

I want to break free. 

PiscesDream PiscesDream
51-55, F
4 Responses May 17, 2007

i no exactally how you feel i take one day at a time.

I go through periods where I don't care. When I don't do things to help myself and trap myself into thinking nothing will make it better. I went through a big one of those these past couple of months. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who thinks this way sometimes. I sort of gave up and let it eat at me, to the point where I was throwing up and quite literally had no control. After experiencing how crappy that felt, I'm doing my best to make sure it never gets that far again. That I will always keep trying and that that's what counts. You guys all hang in there.

I go through periods where I don't care. When I don't do things to help myself and trap myself into thinking nothing will make it better. I went through a big one of those these past couple of months. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who thinks this way sometimes. I sort of gave up and let it eat at me, to the point where I was throwing up and quite literally had no control. After experiencing how crappy that felt, I'm doing my best to make sure it never gets that far again. That I will always keep trying and that that's what counts. You guys all hang in there.

wow u just described depression perfectly. The love is right here honey. i love this site