I Hate This World

My heart is tired of beating in pain. My eyes are tired of crying.
My mind is tired yet I can't sleep.
I just want to scream!
Lonely, sad and betrayed.
Praying, wishing and hoping.
Thoughts of running in front of a moving car, thoughts of overdosing, thoughts of just ending the pain.
"Don't cry mommy, you're making me sad" then he begins to cry.
"Why do you cry so much mommy?" He looks at me and I feel ashamed.
"I'm sad baby" I dont lie.
He looks at me with a look that tears me apart.
My support system is weak - it's virtually non-existent. I can't keep burdening people with my sadness.
"You're not alone" I hear that alot but only from people online who are millions of miles away.
When I need a hug where do I go?
When I need to cry I have nowhere to hide.
I'm so desperate it's humiliating.
I'm scared.
My faith in God confuses me.
I just want to move past this depression.
I want to find my way.
Another broken family. Another son without a father. The cycle continues.
I want to be free of the pain this world brings.
I honestly wish I didn't bring my baby into this horrible world! It's full of deceit and cruelty.
I wish my parents didn't have me!
I wish I could just disappear into thin air - just be gone but I can't leave my baby here in this world alone.
I'm sinking yet again into severe depression but at this point I don't even want help.
I just want to die!
I'm sick of hoping but yet I can't give up on it.
I'm sick of being in love - my love gets stronger but who do I give it to?
I'm sick of making my son sad!
I'm just plain sick!
I pray, I pray, I pray, I pray, I pray!
Lord free me. Have mercy. Save me.
I don't know how much longer I can go on.
I will NEVER in my life trust anybody again. I can forgive but I can never forget.
Some people can and some people can't.
That's why suicide happens.
The problem with love is when you love the way I do - you never let go.
My kindness seems to be my weakness.
My heart seems to hate me.
My body works against me lately.
My back feels like 300000000000 pounds of lead is on top of it.
My thighs hurt, my feet hurt.
My body and soul hurts.
I can't stop thinking no matter how hard I try.
My thoughts torture me.
Help me.
Free me.
Help me.
AloneInThisLife AloneInThisLife
22-25
Nov 27, 2012