I Have Been Suffering... :( :'(

I have been suffering for probably when I was 7 years old!! I don't know if that is possible or not!! I was diagnosed with it whenever I was 12 years old!! Probably seven years old cause I was mad that the twins will get all the love and they did!! I think I was pretty sad my whole life!! When I was 12 years old I had anger issues and got really mad because of my siblings!! They would pinch me and I could have been taken away from my parents and now I have scars all over my arms from where they did that!! When it was the summer of 6th grade I was in a mental hospital because I threatened to kill myself!! I was really upset and crying!! This lady came to pick me up and I cried all the way up there cause I was leaving my parents and family!! I missed them while I was there!! I was there in the hospital for a week!! Sometimes I still wish I was there!! I made some friends there!! I hated it though cause I couldnt sleep at all and I had to sleep in a separate room I dont know why but I was isolated!! The doctor diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, and bipolar!! When I got home I was happy cause I missed everybody!! I feel like a stupid person with these MENTAL illnesses!! I was on 3 different pills that I had to take until the middle of 7th grade!! I dont like it whem my sliblings are home cause they irritate the crap outta me!! My brother especially!! We always fight and he is the one who starts crap and gets my temper flowing!! I always end up crying and getting myself hurt and I say stuff like I just want to die because I really do!! I want to die right now because of how sucky my life is!! I always sit and cry almost everyday because I just get so mad and I feel sooo lonely and I feel like nobody cares about me anymore!! I don't think my parents or anybody know what I am going through!! I don't go to counseling anymore because it is pointless!! I think I will be much happier if I could be free and out of this house that I live in and I am just sick of my parents and siblings!! They never seem to listen to me!! I want to get my license so I can hang out with my friends which I don't have anymore and I want to go to college but I don't think my parents want me to go!! My fianancial aid needs to be used by this Spring or it will go bye bye and I will be really sad cause then I wont have nothing to pay for college!! And when I went to freshman college orientation in July 2011 I had picked my classes for college and then the next day I had to drop them all because I didn't have any transportation!! I was really sad!! College and getting to learn how to drive has been put on hold and keeps getting scooted back because my parents are too busy doing stuff!! I was supposed to go to college in Fall 2011 then Spring 2012 then Fall 2012 and now Spring 2013 and I guess it will be put off again!! :( And I think I am more depressed ever since my grandpa died too!!

I just really freaken hate my life and I want to die!! :( :'( Nobody seems to care and I feel like I don't have anybody no friends or family!! I am just lonely!! And I want to do what my dreams are but it won't happen!! My life is pointless and worthless!! I don't have purpose for being on this Earth!! I wish my life was better!! I HAVE TOO MANY ISSUES!!!!

I cried while writing all of this!! :'(

I feel like I need someone to talk to!!
laughsalot92 laughsalot92
22-25, F
2 Responses Nov 27, 2012

hey, i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. im also battling with it myself and its not easy. its already prevented me from continuing my classes at college right now and technically im not even suppose to be in the dorms still if im not taking classes so im always fearing that i'll be on the streets again. i even go to counsoling for my depression now. somedays i find it helps while other days i think im wasting my time. but i do have people to talk to about whats going on and sometimes just finding someone you can vent to about whats bothering you can really help out alot. im sure you dont need some random person telling you that, but i hope everything becomes abit more easier and managable for you very soon :) i'm here if you ever just wanna chat.

dont give up, just stay strong, we can talk anytime when you want ...