You're Not Alone..

Ever felt just so alone? Like nobody cared? Well I want you to just listen closely to a story about a friend I used to know who just gave up. About how many people were hurt. About why YOU shouldn’t give up.
It all started when she was in 1st grade, every year she’d get bullied because she wasn’t like everyone else, because she couldn’t fit in, because she was different. She started growing up, and at a very young age, she fell into a bad depression. She was about 12 years old and her depression grew worse and worse, her pain and agony built more and more each day. Kids laughed at her each day because they thought by messing with others they could help themselves. But what they didn’t know was that she had NO true family, her parents died at the age of 5. She than was adopted by an abusive family, hit every day. Her dad was a alcoholic, and her mom was just a horrible lady. They hurt her in so many ways, made her sleep outside on the rainiest days. She started cutting because of how much pain got to her. She claimed she had no friends, she claimed she was so alone, because she had herself too deep into her depression to find herself again. She thought the only way from this pain was death. The only thing that crossed her mind, death! Death! Death! She listened to that taunting voice in her head, and very slowly she … She.. Lost her ways.. Lost herself.. She ran into her room one stormy night when her parents left, she brought the sharpest knife, and placed it by her bed. She wrote her death note, and left it painted on her walls with her blood.. She took that knife and just called it an end.. She sliced her neck and was never seen again.
A group of girls she hung around with stopped over and entered her house, they went up to her room where they heard blasting music, they opened the door and screamed in terror, they all rushed over to her. They checked for her pulse but realized she was dead; they found her death note, and read it one by one. They all felt so bad, felt like it was their faults for not realizing how badly she was hurting.. Not realizing how much she was just crying out for a friend. But it was too late; they explained to the cops all they knew. Her parents never showed up, but her friends did, the bullies appeared at her funeral begging for forgiveness.
My point here is that no matter what happens in life, no matter how bad you’re life is, you can get through it. You can find yourself, and restart your life from that point on. There will always be a few people who will feel your pain but never say a word to you, you’ll always have people who care. Whether you believe it or not. There will always be people you hurt by giving up, and trust me, DEATH IS NOT the only choice left. We’re all young, you have no clue where life’s going to’ go, yes your life may be the worst thing ever.. But It doesn’t mean to give up. IT MEANS FIGHT BACK UNTIL YOU WIN! .. I dunno what you chose for now on is your choice. Don’t ever blame someone else for killing yourself. It was your fault for giving up. You had the choice. Now choose wisely.
KittayGoesRawrxD KittayGoesRawrxD
18-21, F
8 Responses Nov 28, 2012

i dont blame anyone and i ask not for sympathy but for the understanding of it which is hard next to impossible

wow..thats one powerful story.

I understand!:)

That is a positive outlook for anyone who suffers depression and it comes better from the voice of experience. I battle depression as well and I know, thank God, that there is more to life than what we see. We have to keep that faith, no matter how small and fight with all we have. We may change another life.

My story is like many others I know this but I feel writing and getting this out helps all of us. When I was 17 years old my sister who was 26 at the time died of cardiac arrest from Juvenile Diabetes that she was diagnosed with at the age of 10. My parents had 5 girls and 1 boy, my deceased sister was the first born and I was the 5th girl then they finally had a boy. My sister, despite our age difference would take me and my friends everywhere since she could drive. She was so much fun that aside from her taking insulin shots in the car sometimes if her sugar got low you would not think she was sick. I only knew how sick she was because as a young girl before I would go to school she would sometimes go into a diabetic coma and my parents had already left for work so it was up to me and my sisters to put orange juice down her mouth to get some sugar in her before the ambulance got there to save her. Once she died when I was 17 I started to smoke cigarettes, then pot and xanax then I just partied whenever possible. I would get drunk and smoke pot nothing hard just something to numb my feelings. My family to this day acts as if we never had a sister. I always held a good job at a Hospital and took care of people and in my minds eye now I believe it was because I thought maybe in some way she would see from above that I was helping people sounds corny but it helped me cope. After work I would go to the gym and then go home and drink a gallon of wine or 12 pack of beer and smoke cigarettes until I couldn't stay up because I had to be to work the next day. I ended up meeting a guy at age of 24, got married to him and he was a complete creep. He cheated on me, left me in debt, and then the final straw was he punched me in the face when he was drunk after I confronted him about one of my co-workers saw him in a restaraunt treating his co-worker girlfriend to a nice time of drinks and dinner. I called the cops and then started divorce proceedings. I was left with a condo mortgage, credit card bills, and pain and heartache and self esteem in the toilet. So, of course to fix it I drank every night ALOT mixed with the xanax. I stayed numb from the time that happened until I remarried and had a child at the age of 38 when I had no choice but to not drink. All the sudden here I was with a baby in my arms at the hospital where I worked and I never asked them to bring him to me the nurses would bring him to me at 9am every morning and reported to my doctor that I was not acting as a new mom. Well truth is I was self medicating pain for 30 years and I did not know who the hell I was! Let alone how to nurture a baby thank God my new husband is a wonderful strong sober man. My childhood was horrible. My mother had too many kids and just could not handle us all. She would get in her car and yell down the driveway she hated us all and she was never coming back as all of us kids ran down the street crying and begging for her to come back. She would come home from work and if we missed a piece of lint on the staircase from vacuuming she would tell my father when he got home to pull our pants down and make us lay on our stomach bare butt on our bed and he would beat us with a leather belt. I used to go to bed so scared that I could actually see my heart beat moving my bed sheet up and down. I was scared all the time. I had no self esteem I was never told I was a good kid even though I was. My other sisters were older and one of them ran away at 16. Another sister left at 18 after she came home late from being with her boyfriend and my dad smacked her across her face breaking a blood vessel in her eye. The kicker of all this is that when we all went to relatives houses for functions our aunts and uncles would praise my parents and say your children are so well behaved you are so lucky to have such wonderful beautiful children. My mother would dress us alike and we were warned to sit in a row at relatives house and behave "OR ELSE". One time on our way home me and my sister who is just 2 years older than me were spatting in the back seat like normal sisters do and my mother told my father pull over and get a stick and he did and then hit us both with it. I am now in such fear because I yell at my son sometimes and I get these horrible feelings that my son is going to hate me like I hated them. They are 76 years old now and we never had a normal family. My sisters and brothers and I dont really speak that much and no one has ever tried to repair what was broken. I am the only one that goes to my sisters grave the rest of them dont bother. It makes me think when I die one day I am just going to be in the ground and never talked about again like I was never born. After I had my son and the nurses told the dr how I was acting I was diagnosed with post partum depression and sent to a Psychiatrist who I have been seeing for 3 years now. It helps but I believe that nothing is ever fixed if its not ever fixed! Thank you for letting me share this.

I feel like that girl. Both my parents are dead, and I feel like I have no one to live for. I was also abused and suffer from depression. Sometimes it seems too much work to keep on living...

Once you reach that point its very hard to see or even consider another way. Her story is almost like mine but hers was just one family n not a lot of foster homes. I don't know if I could cut my throat, but jumping, shooting, and walking into traffic have been my choices. Something always fuuck it up, cop grab me, finding my dog dead before I left to shoot myself, and stupid drivers dodge me. I never blamed them for killing me I just blamed myself for not being good enough for anything not being liked or understood by anyone.

I hope you can really believe it wasn't you; it wasn't your fault, and you are good enough, just as you are.
Goodnight, mister.

I do sometimes, but people just don't know how depression clouds your mind you can't think right or realize stuff like that when its worst.

You just get fooled by the emptiness and I can't see beyond it when it happens.

Message me ASAP!!

1 More Response

oh my gosh that sound like my excpet i not adopted or dead yet.
i cant stop crying those thought go though my head all the time and i have tried 12 times to end my life i never want to but in the moment u dont want 2.

plzz stay stop people and god bless her and every one eles

Death isn't the answer to your depression 'Fighting back.' Is. Message me sometime.

ok i will thanks