My Life?

Wake up? What if I don’t want too? Sleep all day? It’s my escape from reality. Even my nightmares are no match for life.: this worthless, pathetic, thing, called life. I lost all meaning a long time ago. With it my hope fell through the floor. I’m broken and sometimes broken can’t be fixed. Addicted to drugs? Maybe. I’m so tired of defending what I’ve become. I threw away my chances, but I’m still trying. This is for the times I’m hurting, and the times I heal. The days push on longer. Not for myself but for others. Ever have it where your so afraid to tell people what you’ve done, and I don’t mean the little things. I mean those deep dark secrets you lock away down inside and throw away the key. Worried? No, I’m scared shitless. No matter how hard I try I can’t see my future. Someone’s shook my snow globe and rattled my world. All this pain. It never ends. I long to be loved and held close. To gain some worth. Prove a point. I know most have you are tired of forgiving me. What have I become? I don’t know. The monsters I see in my nightmares? Sometimes you see them for so long while you sleep, there, there when you wake up. To anyone that cares. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not living my life the way I should and when nothing works out, wondering why. I’m sorry for not always being there for the ones I love and hold dearly. I’m sorry for closing my heart from all that come near because when you’re near I fear you. I fear that everything will be all right. I’ve gain comfort through sorrow. I don’t trust myself enough to think someone could actually care and love me. Someday I have to wonder if this is real. Reality. Life. They hurt and I can’t stand the pain, causing me to collapse under the weight of my shame. My only wish is to get through and not have to convince my self every morning that I want to live another day.
knifeb4life knifeb4life
18-21, F
Dec 2, 2012