Depression

iv had depression since i was 14. my mum died when i was young,i got a step mum that hates me and a dad that constantly ignores me. when i was younger i thought i wanted to kill myself if i came close i became scared so wasnt long before i realised i dont, i wanna live. but when im depressed i self harm because i hate the pain inside, pain on outside feels better. last time i did anythin like that was when i was 17 my parents found out and thought i was crying for attention (which is funny as i hid it for 3 years and never told them) and they threw me out the house. after a while i went back because i had no where else to go, and i stopped it and the pain started to go. im now 21 i live in halls in university away from home, last year it came back but with paranoia, i felt alone living away from family, i thought my family didnt care about me only wanted me for money and babysitting, my friends wouldnt come out when i wanted go out at night. since then it has been getting worse. atm im running low on money, i cant get people xmas presents, my parents constantly want me home look after brothers and sisters , and dont understand uni isnt easy and i do have a life, iv got a lot of university work to do. this is resulting in my not getting a lot of sleep due to tears and horrible dreams. i need help i need to get rid of depression but it isnt easy
vale1991 vale1991
18-21, F
Dec 3, 2012