Born With Depression

I can't recall any moment of my life when I wasn't depressed, I was always the boy in the corner, alone and isolated suffering with bullying, I just didn't have strenghth to stand up for myself, never. When I became a teenager I got rebel and accused my parents of making me depressed, I've been 6 months without speaking and 4 months without walking. Then started my life of treatments that always failed, never worked. When 20 yo I began to do drugs, I did all drugs you can imagin. In 2009 I managed to get rid of cocaine and started to take antidepressants which I use so far. I felt sadness, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts and loneliness my whole life, I believe I was born with the depression genes cause my mother has dysthymia, but it's not as grave as my case. I don't smile, never laugh, I dunno what's like to be happy, I lived in a dar world my entire life and I know this is not gonna change.
rikkbb rikkbb
26-30, M
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

It is said that depression is a physical biological disability, the same being born blind or deaf; not a psychological illness.

As someone who suffered from depression myself, I absolutely hate it - HATE IT - when well-meaning but ignorant people offer gratuitous advice like "well, just cheer up!" or "why don't you take up a hobby?" ... they don't have a clue.

So I am not going to give you a pep talk or offer advice. Instead I'm just going to express my sincere wish that your future is brighter than it is now, and the pain and suffering diminishes over time. Good luck!

Thanx mate, it's always good to talk to someone who understand me...

I can relate to you story. I believe I was born with those same genes. I've been always sunny and full of smiles on the outside, but what is inside it totally different. We need to forgive ourselves for poor mistakes and continue to find hope in this world. As long as there's breath in you there's always hope and that is worth living for. Life never stays the same it is always changing. The spot your in now will be different in the future. Practice smiling. Sometimes if we smile on the outside, we will feel that smile in the inside