Possible Depression Help....

I am a first timer to this site seeking to reveal my story in hopes to help myself. I am mother of 3 beautiful children. I have been Marie to the father of all my children for 6 years and together for 9 years. Our third child just turned a year old in November. When I became pregnant with her I had a lot of doubt about the pregnancy. I became resentful toward my unborn child. I didn't want her. I felt angry and unhappy. I spoke with my OB who told me it was normal although I had not experienced it with either of my other two pregnancies. This started at the time I found out and went through until I delivere her and the feelings were gone. I love my children, all 3 I them. They are my life. I also love my husband very much. I was a nursing student until about 3 weeks ago when I dropped out due to my grades not wing good enough for me to pass the class unless I received a 90 on my final which would not have happened. I have been angry, unhappy, slightly depressed and moody some I started school again in August for my last 2 semesters. I thought maybe I was angry as I wasn't able to spend the time I needed with my kids and was stressed beyond belief at my classes. When I dropped I felt like a failure but also like I was free. However, the last week I have been so unbelievably angry all the time. I have rage mostly directed at my children when they really have done nothing wrong. My eldest child is 6 and i seem more than ever to expect a lot out of her. I think i am tending to wxpect too much and am trying to make her grow up too fast. i expect her to be able to help with her siblings which just isnt fair. i dont want to rob her of her childhood but fear i am. They are amazingly good kids who are smart and wonderful. But for some reason I just get so angry with little things that most mothers or parents would blow off or laugh at. I am fearful of hurting my children. I don't have insurance and have no way to afford seeing anyone or getting meds if I did need them. For now I have told my husband how I feel and have looked online for some "help" with anger. I anyone has any tips relating to my situation I would be ever so grateful. Thank you all so much to those who will or have read my story.
Bebbjo Bebbjo
26-30
1 Response Dec 6, 2012

I have three kids too and I know how overwhelming three can be sometimes :) But you are wise to recognize that there is a problem and actively seek help for it. I would think that trying to find a way to get medication to help you not matter the cost far outweighs the long term effect that your feelings could have on your kids. so I encourage you to get to a doctor and get help, even if you have to go through wic or something like that.