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A Manic Rant

Thank you all for your comments. I have been in and out of hospitals most of my life. But I had a good jobs in the Electronics field.  I got married 25 years ago and have a daughter in college. I was abused as a child , physically, mentally, and sexually. I have two brothers and two sisters. They also were abused. This is no lie. And I will remember it for the rest of my life
I left home when was 18 and gradually fit in with society. I had good jobs and many friends. All the while I was on a variety drugs to treat my depression.  Over the past five years  my depression got very bad
I am currently taking prozac and wellbutrin for the depression and they seem to be working fine. I also take neurontin, lorazepam, seroquel and lamictal.
Please bare with me. Writing about  my afflictions and the suffering I feel helps s great deal.
to make a long story short. I'll skip the detals.
I am bipolar. Some of may be bipolar. too.
II also suffer from Dissociatve Identity Disorder.
You can find hundreds of websites that explain it better than I can. Basically, I have multiple personalitys.
Many of you will say Im full of crap. All I can say that it is I am telling you the truth.
Anyway, under certain circumstances my brain somehow switches and one of the other personalities.My doctor explaned to me that a personalitiy will take over to protect me from some horrible memory of something that hapenned in the past.
Oneday day work, I was under alot of job related stress,and I suddenly felt that I had to get ou. I told human resources I needed a few days off. I left, and never returned. This happened several years ago. Since that time I am on long term disability,I tried to go back about a year ago, but it didn't work out.
The company that pays my disability sent a social worker  to help me get back to work. I explained to her my mental problems, She told me that I seemed normal and could probably get a job. Believe me, I wanted to find a job. Then I asked her a question. I asked her how I could explan to am employer that I have multiple personalties . Who knows what would happen  If I switched personalities at work.
She looked at me for a minute, wrote something in her notebook, and told me that I was unemployable. I've been living on long term disabilty payments from my company, and social security.
By the way, I;m manic and I haven't slept for two nightsIt is now about 3:00am where I live.
By God I wish I could meet people who have the same problems I'm having Over the past few years I alienated all my friends.  Now I have only one friend and he lives about four hours  away by car.
I am so lonely. I don't go out unless it's absolutly necessary. I'm trying to find people in my area that I could become friends with. No luck yet.
By the way, I live in North Carolina.

hushpuppy hushpuppy 61-65, M Jul 30, 2008

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