On Depression And What Has Worked For Me

I'm not an expert on depression, nor do I claim that what works for me has to work for everyone. I can only speak from my own experience and my realisations.

I have had three kinds of depression.  The first kind was triggered by personal experiences leading to me feeling sadness, shame, guilt.

The second kind of depression was an angst I felt about being human which was triggered after I had a spiritual awakening of my true self and I found myself in a realm of such inexhaustible love and bliss that I no longer wanted to be here.  The urge to leave was so strong but I found a way to stay.

The third kind of depression is when I'm picking up on the collective emotions of humanity.  Let's say I'm feeling sad about something. Because all minds are joined, I end up picking up on the collective sadness of everyone and I end up feeling overwhelming grief.  For instance, when Michael Jackson died, I felt overwhelming grief for a brief period. Then I quickly reversed it by focusing only on the joy his songs and performance had given me; and I ended up feeling exceeding joy. 

So how have I coped with personal depression? 

While I was at university, I was curious to study what made me tick. So I studied theories of identity, race, ethnicity, gender.  At the same time, I had therapy for about 6 months with this Freudian analyst where we analysed my dreams and various issues until one day I realised I didn't need to be in therapy.   See EP Link

The worse kind of depression I had occurred 11 years ago after a break up of a significant relationship and my whole life was turned upside down. I questioned why I was here and what my purpose was.  During that period, I didn't go out for about a month.  What stopped me from ending it was my mother.  I realised the emotional pain I was in was nothing compared to the emotional pain I would cause her if I committed suicide.  I couldn't do that to someone I claim to love.  When I spoke to a friend about my emotional crisis, she pointed out to me that I wasn't having a breakdown, I was having a breakthrough.  It turned out she was right. In fact, I was experiencing a paradigm shift which changed how I viewed the world for good. 

Another thing that helped me was when I expanded my sense of self.  Instead of focusing only on this me that is writing this piece, I made it my purpose to help other versions of me.  (see the piece below). 

And by the way, I have never taken any drugs for depression. Drugs is not something I believe in.  I even opted out of the medical model 13 years ago where I stopped going to doctors and taking pills. I rely on truth principles and Love for healing. That's just me.

To other versions of me going through depression, all I can say is there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you all the very best.




Years ago I went through bouts of depression because I believed I didn't have anyone to love me, and I couldn't see the point of going on. I also didn't have a clue what I was meant to be doing in life. I considered committing suicide on many occasions because I believed that would end my pain.

One day I realised that the way to keep living is to give myself a purpose. Instead of seeking love why not give love? I figured that if I can give love to someone every day at least that would give me a reason to go on living.

My ambition is to love someone or something every single day. Given that there are around 7 billion people on earth right now, excluding animals and other species, this means I've got a long while yet before I start considering the suicide option.

I was an immortal all along and I never realised. Duh!

(c) E Joseph

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51-55, F
Dec 9, 2012