Why Am I A Failure?

When I first joined this website, I was seriously depressed. I wanted to end it all. But I got better, or so I thought. And now here I sit, those scary thoughts creeping back in.

I think I have had a low self esteem since I was around 5. My whole life, I have just never been "good enough" for anyone. I have always felt like a loser, like a failure. And maybe if I were to succeed in life, the feeling would go away.

But how can I ever be successful when I really am a failure?

I don't want to think this way but I really believe it. I just can't do anything right.

All semester I have been waiting for this moment. The day school would be over. And now I am 3 days way from finishing this semester and I am sitting here, crying my eyes out. Once again, I have succeeded at being a failure. I am almost certain that I have a low grade in just about every class.

Why? Because I am a slacker. I procrastinate and I don't take anything seriously. And now it's too late to fix things. My parents are going to be so angry, so disappointed.

I really don't even know what to do anymore.

Yeah, people tell me it will all be okay, but will it? Isn't this all just one big cycle? "We all make mistakes." Well I am sick of the countless mistakes I have made. Why can't I just improve? Sure, I learn from my mistakes. But I only make new, different ones.

I just wish I wasn't so worthless.

I have big dreams for the future, but even I feel that it's all just talk. I'll never be famous or rich. I'll never make it anywhere.
tsellic tsellic
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 9, 2012

Youre letting negative, repetitive thoughts take over your mind. Everyone in this group has BPD and we struggle and cope with all of the same things. Start by recognizing negative thoughts and correcting them. You will find your own ways to cope. Look into dialectical behavior therapy which is designed for borderlines looking to live a life worth living. Please turn to one of the very supportive members in this group. :)

Like hammerguy69 said, no person is ever wothless, everyone has it's purpose. I know exactly how you feel, I've been, and I'm going through similar situations... I procrastrinate despite my high expectations from life and myself, and I feel terrible about it. In the other hand by wishing to make things different, and sharing your story with other people, you are already making a progress. So keep on trying! :)