How Easy It Could Have Been

I have been battling depression for many years now.in sixth grade I told no one about these feelings but in seventh grade I finally told my mum and got help.I had it bad I was crying for four hours straight,holding a knife to my chest or trying to strangle myself.the worst is my life is amazing and I am so lucky so y am I like this?!
I remember the feelings of that day clearly.I was driving home from the therapist and my mum asked if I wanted to go to the church Xmas festival.I said no.she continued asking and I kept saying no and I felt so guilty once she went silent.my stomach was turning and I knew I was no longer in the right state of mind.
My mum stopped outside the garage let me out and said something but at the time I didn't relize and then she drove away. I was about to walk into the house but instead I found my feet leading me up to the ladder of the attic. I was freezing as my hands touched the rungs.then I saw what my feet had brought ms there for a rope. I held it in my hands but quickly feel to my knees crying and then I let out a wrenching scream.I continued to scream while trying to choke myself then I began to spit up.I gagged on it while my salt water tears poured into my moulth. I took deep breathes and thought of those who loved me I slide down the ladder after what felt like four hours but in reality was 15 minutes. I had to pull myself inside and dialed my mums cell.she didn't answer the first five times and I began to think she had left me and abandoned my dad and I. She picked up and soothed me as she rushed to her car.I ended up relaxing she had said she was going to the grocery store.after that my sucide thoughts and actions have lessened but are still forever haunting my mind.
Soccergirl44 Soccergirl44
13-15, F
3 Responses Dec 10, 2012

I have the same thoughts running in mind, though my suicide attempt was not in the attic as was yours mine was in my bathroom, you are very lucky to have a mother who cares and loves you so much. I don't agree with Moronicjester and tmaker86 about the weed thing but that's your decision if you want to do it or not. Hope you're well

I agree on the weed. I have borderline personality disorder and have been suffering from depression and anxiety all my life. Recently I quit taking my medication and marijuana really helps like no med ive tried. I think I may have gotten addicted to it, though, but you dont get withdrawls or anything. Good luck!

Why not take up weed? I would if I were you.