One Fine Morning

One fine morning I woke to my alarm, saturday morning I start work at six. I felt different this morning though. Just down. I left for work as usual but for some reason I decided to takr my knife with me... next thing i know i was at park, i dont even remember how i got there just that it had been 4 hours, I was holding my knife, blade open.. I wanted to kill myself that day but i didnt, i dont know why i didnt. i think about it every day though, i feel like its all i have in me are these thoughts. i dont know how to stop them, or if i even want to.

I broke up with my gf today. i miss her unbelievably, which doesnt make sense because when im with her all i can think about is breaking up with her. i think it might be because ive forgotten how to be single. im scared to be by myself. i jyst want to know what its like ro get tgrough one day with out thinking about putting steel to flesh.

Sometimes i think it would be worth it, suffering is the bane of the living. it doesnt plague the dead. i dont want to die though, i want to live. i live for my daughter. She needs her father, leaving her is just an act of selfishness.

ive been off drugs for three says now, ive started going to counselling for drug addiction. with a bit of luck and a **** ton of hard work i can curb this habbit for good.

Im going to see my therapist tomorrow, i want to stop cutting but i dont know how so ill ask to help me. my therapist refered me to a mental health doctor, she thinks my medication needs to be increased. i just hope it helps.

I enrolled to redo my Year 12 course, i want to go to uni and study physics, it grounds me. i feel it calms me down when nothing else will
corey92 corey92
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 11, 2012

it's a great news to hear you want to live, that's all that matter, and of course your daughter needs you. well, what you need is love, try to be back with your girlfriend if she was real nice with you. love is what you needed to go through these things. well, focus on studying is another way to distract you from cutting yourself, so basically you are doing it right. Religion is another great way to help, pray to God that you need help, tell Him whatever you feels, you think, you do, your sadness because He will never betray you.

stay strong and stay tough man! for you family, your loved ones and yourself! if you need someone to talk to, email me,, let me know if there is any update! i will be willingly to listen to you :)