This past months have been hell for me. It feels like there's no way out of my head. And I want this to end, this sadness that invades me all the time. Nothing goes the way I hope, nothing. My relationship with my parents is awful and I can't stand my dad anymore, he just doesn't understand and I don't even bother to talk to him because of the way he is. And my mom knows about some things and sort of understands but it still doesn't change a thing. I'm quite lost inside my own mind, inside my thoughts, inside my reality - which is only my own. Nothing really excites me anymore besides going out for drinks or watching movies - my true passion right now. My love for drawing and art has slowly faded away and so did most of the dreams I had. It's like I'm alive but not really living, just here, around. I try so hard to get out of this but I really can't and everything makes me sad and feel that I'm a failure. Anyway, I'm just here, laying on the sofa and watching Pride and Prejudice, afraid of realitiy, fearing life. I've had enough of fear and sadness and still I'm stuck among them. I think I've always been depressed, every since I was a kid and suicidal thoughts have always crossed my mind, ever since then. I feel so isolated and lonely, like I have no one to talk to. Besides I've just recently accepted myself for my sexuality. I'm a girl who likes a girl who apparently doesn't like girls. That makes it harder and makes me hopeless. I love her, so much, everything about her, even her flaws. I feel like my life will be nothing but a story of regret, fear, depression and pain. Still waiting for it to change, for me to change...
thisiscat thisiscat
18-21, F
Dec 12, 2012