Friends In Need ...

Some incidents in the last few days tell me who are the friends that really care about me and who don't. I don't tell many friends of my birthday and I don't expect them to remember it. Only some old friends whom I knew from my teen days or early adulthood remember my birthday and I am happy they do.

Lately, I told one lady friend (a colleague who works with me in the same company) and one male friend about my suicidal thoughts. I actually told them even a bit of my plan. I know they believe I am serious. They said they will be there for me when I need them, but at the same time, they treat me normal as if I had never told them anything about it. I thought it was not a bad thing because I didn't want anyone to spoil my plan or tell my family about it (though they don't know any of my family). Today is my birthday. The male friend talked to me on phone a few days ago and said he would celebrate with me my birthday, but of course, he didn't. Then, a friend who lived in another city ordered a cake to be delivered to my home this morning. It was very nice of him, but I actually didn't plan to celebrate my birthday with any one and I wouldn't be able to finish the cake by myself (mom would not eat it), so I asked this lady friend of mine if she would go with me to see my doctor after work (the clinic is a bit far from our homes, but I had to see my doctor today as he will leave for holiday from tomorrow), and then go to my place (we live quite close to each other) to share the cake with me. She plainly said no even she had nowhere but home to go.

Luckily, before calling this lady, I talked to my another lady friend whom I have known for more than a decade and asked her if she would be available this evening. She said yes and then called one of her friends whom I met a couple of times to come to my place together. They even bought with them 2 bottles of wine. It wasn't a big party, but we had fun. I am glad I have them as my friends. They have no idea of my suicide plan, but they are obviously very kind and good friends!
seekinglifepurpose seekinglifepurpose
41-45, F
Dec 12, 2012