It's My Fault

About 5 weeks ago I was driving home from my friends house at around 1:30 am with my other friend in the car. For some reason it was extremely foggy that night and could barely see. I drive extra cautiously and slow for I could barely see the road. About 5 minutes into the drive all of a sudden headlights appeared right in front of my car for a car had drifted into my lane coming in the opposite direction. We were milaseconds from slamming into each other before I swerved off the road.... However when I swerved.... I lost control of the car and the car flipped for what seemed like an eternity. Next thing I know I wake up sideways with blood running down my face. Idk how long I was out for but it most not have been a while for no one was there to help Us. I look around and see all the cuts on my arms and legs. and couldn't move my left arm. I was in so much pain. I look over to check my friend. However I look over and I see he is covered in blood as well but not conscious. I quickly un-buckle myself then him. I try to wake him but he doesn't budge. As quick as I can I crawl out of the car with blood still dripping down my face, arms and legs and limp over to the other side. As carefully as I could I dragged my friend out of the car and tried to wake him. As much as I tried he didn't budge. I checked his pulse... Nothing... As soon as I realized he had no pulse.... I can't even describe how I felt. 5 minutes or so later an ambulance came and picked me and my friend up and the other driver. I arrive at the hospital and was diagnosed with a severe concussion and a separated shoulder with some torn ligaments in there as well. But that didn't matter.... I later found out.... That my friend.... My best friend for I had known for 15 years.... Was gone. I wouldn't sleep for days after this.... I couldn't stop thinking about it... I couldn't get over the fact that it was my fault.... I left the hospital and went home and still couldn't sleep... And if I did I had nightmares of the wreck. I went into depression for a week... Didn't go to school... Didn't leave the house, my room. Didn't do anything. People came over to comfort me but it didn't help. One night I was on the verge of suicide... I had the noose tied around my fan, around my neck.... Standing on top of the chair... Ready to die... But I couldn't do it. Finally I was sent to a psychiatrist/rehab in California for 3 weeks. I returned last night and feeling better, but the scars of that night will never go away...
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26-30
6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

Oh honey my heart aches for you , I wish I was there just to listen & give you a big hug !! I have a best friend of over 20 years & I just can't imagine losing her , better yet all you went thru , you are aMazing young man
You are one tough cookie booboo , again it's not your fault , & I'm sure your friend is watching over you now . One thing you can do is live a good life he would be proud of , have fun & do things he didn't get to do in his name ; I'm sure he will always be with you
If you ever want someone to talk to , I'd be honored .

I'm sorry for your lost..... It must be painful losing a best friend like that. Well hope everything gets better for you and remember there's people who care for you and your well being. If you need anything I'm here if you want to talk things out with someone :)

Just read this news, and I want to express my heartfelt condolences to you for the loss of your friend and my wishes to you for a peaceful recovery.

First of all I am glad you chose life.....I wouldn't have met such a wonderful friend otherwise...They call it an accident for a reason...it was one..there was no one to blame....nothing you could have done under those circumstances differently. The best way you can honor your best friend is to be there and share his life....share this amazing friend with those that both h knew him and those who didn't have the pleasure to...he lives on through you and your memories...I am sure he would want you to live with no regrets....honor him by making the most of your life.....your soccer.......you education.....you are an awesome friend......

You know you can count on me for anything....

Im very sorry for your loss.

It's not your fault... it's not like you purposely did it. It was an accident and I know your friend wouldn't blame you...

^^ nicely said my lord

I've had that same feeling.. i'm here if you wanna talk :)

anytime :)