Not Knowing

Eyes open, mind wakes,
body is still asleep.
Heart throbs, joints of stone and suffering,
pain arcs across the body.
Sorrow fills the soul

“Not again” is whispered to the dark.
As if the hell spawn in my body can hear.
Not knowing why makes it worse
slowly my straight body crimples to a ball,
creaking as it moves

Autoimmune disorder they said
Undetermined I heard.
They tested and pried
until they know my body better than I
still they know nothing
still I know less

a surge of pain as I tried to stand
another school day missed.
How will I pass if I can’t go in?
How will I live if I can’t move

Life is suffering, or so they say.
Do I deserve this pain?
A small stream of salt and water
rolls down a clammy cheek.

Living life from a bed
is no way to live at all
Sicklyromantic Sicklyromantic
18-21, M
Dec 16, 2012