Only Young

I am a teenager - the best years of my life, apparently. Why aren't they? I have days that go by without my noticing, which is a waste of life but better than the usual. And it makes me wonder if my only options are to live like I've died already, or to really die. Someone in the community just committed suicide last weekend. I didn't know her, but I can see how much it has torn apart the people she was close to. I don't know if I could do that. But I don't know if things can continue like this. I thought they would stop, that it was only a painful phase. But it's still going. Honestly? I don't think it is a singular aspect of life anymore; it is part of everything - the depression will only end with everything else. It started when I was 14. Too young to even understand that life is not fair, but life's injustice slapped me in the face and cut my wrists up. Literally; I have been cutting myself for the last two and a half years. I can't get help, I tried that but no one took me seriously. Not my parents. My family has a "don't ask, don't tell" lifestyle. I find it both frightening and reassuring that so many other people feel the same way. I want to get out of here. But I'm stuck. How can I risk making people feel the way that makes me want to do this?
poorlittlerichgirl poorlittlerichgirl
18-21, F
May 21, 2007