She Knows.I have a secret. One that I've been keeping from her for more than 2 years. My secret has kept me chained, and I'm not sure if I wanted to be set free. I've said befor that I wanted to tell people I care about about this. She found my secret by reading one of my old journals...
I cut. I self harm. I am depressed. I need help.
My mom found out yesterday. I wasn't ready for her to find out. It seemed easier to lie and say I'm happy and fine than tell the horrible truth about the pain I'm in.
Of all the people I didn't want her to find out. It's funny how she found out by going thru my stuff. I've always told people that I hated writing down my thoughts and stuff because I was afraid someone would find out the horrible truth about who I am. Some of my friends convinced me to keep a form of journal, so I finally did. And looky there.... It happened. Someone, my mom, read those thoughts.
I had things talking about how I wanted to cut again or kill my self. How I was unhappy with my life.
She found out. I don't know what to think anymore.
She didn't get mad or anything just concerned. I feel horrible. I feel like a horrible daughter. I don't know why I started this in the beginning or how I got depressed.
Me and my mom would always joke about cutting and other forms of self harm. She never knew I was doing that bymyself alone in my room. She didn't know I had scars and fresh wounds from myself when we joked about it. I didn't want her to find out. I don't want her to see me differently. I don't want to be treated different. I'm the same person, just more in the light.
She may have shown light on me, but I feel like I'm more in the dark than I have ever been. I need help, I need someone to make sence of this for me. I need advise on what to do, how to act. I dint want to be watched, and I know or think he won't. But now every scratch or every injury there will be in the back of her mind, the thought that I did it to myself.
I'm sorry for my rant and I'm sorry I'm the way I am. I need help. Please give me some kind of advise or something.. Anything..
missme153 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 Dec 25, 2012