Dark Days

I don't always feel depressed, but when I do........I wake up in it, it's a feeling that creeps in and suffocates your real feelings.
I have lost whole relationships to it, it's so all encompassing.
At best its a numbness that puts you in a kind of trance, but at worst, it's a clawing, grabbing feeling that makes you want to scratch of your own skin or jump off the nearest bridge.
You can tell someone that you are depressed but they can't see the painful twisting that's going on inside you...mostly people will take it to mean that you feel a bit down......even if you could explain to them exactly what it feels like, you wouldn't want to....the last thing i feel like doing is talking.
Everyday functioning becomes like a fight you know you will lose....trying to do anything without the use of a rational mind or the ability to deal with the slightest stress is ridiculously hard work.
I start to notice that I obsess over pointless things and ignore the immportant and although happiness is nowhere to be seen, anger and sadness seem to have no limit on how intensely they can be felt....I lose the ability to calm down and often have panic attacks.
I am lucky that I only suffer in short bursts, 2 months at most...any longer and i'm not sure I'd be here writting this now.
kuronekko kuronekko
31-35, F
4 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Yes many of us battle with depression. I wish you luck with that. To my mind it is like a thick cloud that clings to my body for days or sometimes weeks at a time. Fighting it off takes quite a bit of effort at times because it doesn't let go easily. I am always happy to get rid of it but in the back of my mind I know for certain that it will return. It's a relentless and irritating thing that I have fought with my whole life. Good luck with the good fight against depression.:-)

its torture...on top of that people ask you what you are depressed about, should you attempt to explain...if they say that then they don't get it.

You are not alone!

i get depressed but mine is due to my child hood i can go for weeks and be happy then my problems trigger my depression and i feel the need to harm myself

It may be a fight but it is a fight you can and will win