Stopping My Depression Medication For 2nd Time ....

I have decided to stop my depression medicine again. This will be the 2nd attempt in the last month or so. The reason I stopped it the first time was due to me being so angry and sad all the time. After quieting within days my mood got better but within a week I started to experience non stop Anxiety Attack from morning till bed time (I had the already before stopping but not as bad as that). BF talked me into starting it back up but I am again angry and so very sad. My mood can go from OK to ANGRY to crying within secs. At times I'm so mad I just want to break something, punch something (to cause myself pain). I always seem to keep this under control but it is hard. But I will scream through my teeth and jump up and down and sometimes smack myself in the faces several times to detract my mind (seem to be doing that more often lately .... I look like a small child throwing a tantrum but much sillier cause I'm a grown adult.

I was supposed to go to my doctor Friday but had to reschedule due to my son throwing up all morning. Oh course I get a appointment 3 months from now ... GREAT .... have 1 month supply of any of my medicine .... great how the system and luck seems to work for ya sometimes.

The deal is
...... if I stay on the depression medicine I am angry and sad, yet I don't have as many Anxiety Attacks and can play on my 360.
........ if I stop within 5-7 days the server Anxiety will kick in but will be in a much better mood but yet in pain. I have medicine for the Anxiety but it seemed to really do little for the attacks. =( Playing my 360 is a big no no due to it making me nauseated, headache and Anxiety (that's within 5 mins of playing)

Seems to be a damn if I due and damned if I don't situation =(

My BF is getting tired of my depression and my moods. I try so hard to hide them from my inner pain but its way to much for me to hide anymore. I hate putting anyone though my pain. It's not there weight to carry it is mine and mine alone. I'd do anything to be able to find to old me, I was never normal in the slightest but I had control of my mind. When it would try to fight me I was able to fight it back but now it is controlling me in ever way possible it seems.

I am so lost in the darkness and feel all alone. Know one around me really understands the pain that I hide away from them ... I try my best to protect them from me. Whats the real point of letting it out anyways, "just a broken record", nothing they haven't heard before from me. Hurts so much worse to express your feelings and they just get unheard or tell someone your feelings and they don't even respond to you, just look at you with a look of coldness. I'm sorry I'll pass, makes me feel like crap but that seems to happen so often to me lately and it hurts so deeply, like a wound that wont heal.

I want to be happy again so bad. But just seem to be a distant memory now. Seems out of my reach. Almost like it is being dangled in front of me just to tease me. Nothing brings me joy anymore .... nothing. What a awful feeling that is.

oh well ... Think I ranted enough
DeMenTedAngell DeMenTedAngell
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

I understand what you are going through, I have had depression and anxiety since I was 6 years old. Dont lose sight of how things were before this, that is your reference point for normal. You dont deserve to suffer and the sooner you can get on some meds that work for you the better so you can start living again. My depression and anxiety just accelerated once I was over 30, I was having up to 8 panic attacks a day. It took full control over me and all my time and energy went to trying to control it which was impossible and drove me towards suicide just from sheer exhaustion and being overwhelmed. So please, give everything you've got to get back on meds to balance yourself out. Life is short and those who have not lived it WONT understand. Effexor XR worked for both my depression and anxiety.

I was suicidal when I was young. But that was long long ago and I'm not suicidal at all. I don't want to die. Thought of it can cause me to panic at times. Even more since the loss of my father this past June.

hi there my friend wow i have ben were you are dear you need to go back to your doctor and tell him these thing about your meds if you dont you are heading for a crash that will put you in a sike ward and i am only telling you this because i have ben in one about 4 times in my life and we found a med for me that works now and it has ben almost 15 year now sents i have ben in one and i am back boating fishing hunting wood working and doing some metal working too all the thing that i like or my hobbies i sould say dont let this thing win go back to your doc dear life is a one time trip and i know you have what it takes to enjoy life

I plan on calling the doctors tomorrow to see if there is a list I can get on if there is a cancellation they can call me and get me in as soon as possible. My old doctor left and got a job closer to her home and now have a new doctor and she only sees people on Friday's. Don't make sense to me how my old doctor seen people Monday -Friday and now they were condensed to 1 day a week. Doctors for ya.

hi dear i try to friend you but for some reson i could not but i think you should change your profile name i dont see you as a demen and i know the ones that love you prob dont eather i bet you are realy a nice person and not a demen and i am glad that you are going back to see your doc life is to short not to enjoy it

I have used this name for many years now. Have no real plans of changing it. I have grown quiet fond of the name. I believe it's fitting for me ... demented & angel .... When you look up the definition of the both.

de·ment·ed -- crazy; insane; mad
angel -- a person having qualities generally attributed to an angel, as beauty, purity, or kindliness.

Seems to fit =)

ok i see now i miss under stoud the meaning of the word and what it meaning is thank you for the lesson i am never to old to learn some thing new

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