Tempted

I walked into the bathroom today looking for bobby pins.
I was just wanting to pin my hair up.
Curiosity got the better of me though. In the medicine cabinet, top shelf, hidden by bottles and shadows. That's where I kept my razors.
Something different and frightening has bloomed within me. It scares me. I never thought that I'd be scared of myself.
Last May I was at a psych hospital. I hated it, like you're supposed too. Afterwards I started getting better. I was scar free for nearly 7 months. And then it happened again. I was in the shower and the medicine cabinet was right there. What was different this time? I don't even know why I did it. I hardly remember it. I just kept doing it. Over and over. I have 14 scars on my left arm from that one time.
Today I was playing Just Dance with one of my sisters and when we took a break I went to the bathroom to pin my hair up.
All I was looking for was a stupid bobby pin.
That last time I thought I threw all the razors away.
There's one more. One more left.
The worst part is I can't bring myself to throw it away or tell someone.
I don't want to die. Why do I feel like my days are coming to an end?
phiazombie phiazombie
18-21, F
Jan 6, 2013