Everything's Falling To Pieces.

I never do this but ain't got nothing to do so whatever.

It all started 4-5 months ago when I graduated from Senior high school.

Me and three friends from earlier schools (on of em I've known since kindergarden, the others for like 7-8 years). We shared the same interests and had pretty much the same brains.

In any case, after I graduated they all started... not sure if ignoring is the right word, but it seems like they've suddenly just decided to cut me loose. I did send them several messages such as 'anyone up for a bite somewhere?' etc. Sometimes they responded, but all I got was some excuses.

We used to talk in Skype every day, until I had to create a new one and when I told them to add my new one, only one or two did but they've never typed to me or called me. And the funny part is, I know they're talking to each other every day (can't get into it). I'm pretty sure they're hanging out from the students/friends from the same class that graduated. But why in the hell aren't they even considering me? I'm their oldest friend and I had a good relationship with those from my class as well.

Now I've erased all their numbers after crying a lot.

The reason for crying isn't only this particular situation. Here comes the two-three shocker. At the same time-period with what's happening with these douchebags: my best friend from when I was little (we've always been tight, 1&1), doesn't contact me. Not even a phone call or anything.

Then my uncle killed himself. Can barely say it, but he tourched himself. Don't want to get more into it except mentioning it's been the most depressing Christmas ever.

Last ****. Have in mind, all this happened/happens in roughly the same time-period.

As mentioned, last ****. My evil twin sister. I'm not lying, I think she's evil. I've always tried to take care of her. One example would be preventing her getting involved in peer-pressure **** in terms of smoking (this was ages ago though, I'm 19). And a lot more.

The reason why she's evil: She asks me to do something for her and I always say yes, afterwards when I'm done helping her she gets mean. She calls me a ******, that I'm always at home alone (MAYBE BECAUSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS FUCKIING LEFT ME U DUMB ****) and that she's embarrassed of me.

Believe me, this is what I come across every day from her stupid mouth. I've always wanted to beat her up. I've only restricted her from hitting me and ****, but honest to God I'm too much of a coward and perhaps good-hearted to beat my sister.

I have thought about suicide, but then my mom pops-up in my head. She's the one I love the most. Maybe not the best listener, but she has a big heart and I know she loves me more than anything else. Honestly, without her.... you have no idea... well.. SHE has no idea how important she is for me. But still, I've been crying for months now.

Believe me, I have no clue why my friends abandon me.
Strangerinastrangeworld Strangerinastrangeworld
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 6, 2013

I'm sorry, that seems real tough. Some people are really ****** up. They don't deserve to be your friend if they just up and left you with out a real answer. Don't kill your self tho. Things will get better eventually. I've had thought of suicide, and have cut before. So I understand the depression in a way. If you need a friend ill be one.

Missme153

Thanks. The thing is, like I sad, as much as I don't want to be part of this f*cking cruel and pathetic generation, I'd never be able to leave this life with the thought of my mom ending up devistated.

It just feels so weird. I've been with those 'friends' for 7-8 years and suddenly they're just gonna cut me loose? I just want to read their minds. Just once, I want the ability to read minds so I can find out WHY.

Funny part is, for 7-8 years ago I was hanging out with really bad people (a gang, if you so like). From robberies, to gang-fighting. Luckily, I'm good at handling peer-pressure, so I eventually left them in order to hang out with... I assume you can guess at this one.

Ironic, isn't it. The friends I left for, aren't there anymore. Anyway thanks a lot. Just felt I had to put my story or whatever before I go COMPLETELY nuts. I've been snapping at my mom for no reason and felt so bad because she just lost her brother... pfff.. that struck her hard.

said'

I'm sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to loose a loved one. On Friday it's going to be 3 years since my dad died. It's going to suck and I can already feel that it's going to be a bad day. I understand the snapping at your mom for no reason, I've been doing that to my mom too. I guess my pain and sadness gets turned into anger and I get mad at everyone.
I hate it. I wish I was someone else, anyone but me. I hate myself for who I am and what I'm becoming. A lot of the time I feel like it would be better for everyone if I just ended it. But then again I have some people that need me, and there the only reason I'm still here. Anyways, if you need a friend I'm here.

Missme153

Well, you can't be that bad if you're here cheering up a dead soul like me. I guess my advice to you is: do not inverse the anger. It should be directed to those who's got no idea of what it means to have a heart. Whether it's a freakin' small one or big one.

I always dwelled and asked myself 'is it me?', 'wtf am I that bad?' combined with crying a lot as well as hitting walls.

Now, I just follow these simple rules: those who don't like me, fu*ck em. Those who do? I'll do my best to show affection and love. One example would be my mother. Each time I yell at her and snap, a minute later I go hug her and tell her 'I'm sorry, was a bit frustrating. Sorry'. She's been putting my food on the table along with struggling at work. I owe everything to her (and my dad, though he got his bad sides...).

Sorry to hear about your dad. When my cousin, who I've lost a bit of connection or contact with, lost his father (my uncle as mentioned), at first he was calm but obviously he was hiding his grief. Then in the church (those fuc*ing idiots forced me to lift the coffin for minutes), when I looked at him... nah, I just can't imagine the pain.

Again, welcome my deepest condolence. I picked I'm some strong significant words in your text, if there's anything you want to share. I'm here as well. Really nice talking to ya, peace.

1 More Response