The Ups And Downs

I have been feeling very low lately.

A lot of it has to do with being where I am in life - living at home, which makes me feel like I'm limping... if that makes sense, feeling isolated, missing my friends, and having a job that's not really fulfilling.

The loss of independence is especially hard. My mom, as much as I love her, as no sense of intimacy at all - neither of hers or other people's. Only the other night, I had to tell her to knock before entering my bedroom... It should be a given, why do I have to tell her this? The loneliness also suddenly heightened my singleness - I hadn't been bothering my quite so much in the 10 months before moving back, but now I am so alone with no "soul mates" (and by this I mean close friends, not potential partners) around, I am longing for a partner more than before.

When I feel more fragile emotionally, it doesn't take much to make me crumble. Last night, what did it was feeling lame and inadequate, because it was my crush's birthday and I did nothing great for him, contrary to other people. Not that he'd care - he doesn't know I even exist - but that little thing tipped me over the edge of deep sadness.

But I have decided this. After posting this rant, I am going to make a list of things that make me feel happy.

And here it is:

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DancingFox DancingFox
31-35, F
Jan 7, 2013