This past week or two has just been one thing after another. I feel like I'm sinking further and further away from the reality of my life. I feel like a robot anymore. I go to work, come home, and sleep. Even the conversations I have are slipping away. All I wanted was to let this part of myself go. Let the regret and pain fall away. I thought I was doing so well, but now I see maybe not so much. I look at myself in the mirror and still feel the same way about myself as I have for years now. Where did the confidence go? It seems like I always lose it somewhere. I lie to everyone, saying I'm fine. I think talking about everything is just going to make it real. Maybe if I convince myself it doesn't happen, it won't be real. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be able to grieve and let things go. I feel like so many people are asking for unrealistic things. Things I don't have the strength for. I want to know how it feels to let it all go. I'm trying so hard not to sink into this quicksand. Yet, I'm sinking away and no one is reaching out. I'm dizzy everyday from all of this. I'm sick to my stomach. I don't know if I will make it out of this before I hit the darkest place of my mind. All I need is some rope. Someone please throw out a line to me. I don't want to be sunken.
WorkItMami WorkItMami
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

Talk to someone about it. The only way someone can give you a rope is if they see you're drowning. I know what you mean, going through every day mechanically. But you can get better. The way you feel right now isn't you, it's a twisted, dark reflection of who you really are. You can get past this :)