Every Day

Every day I am faced with a decision, do I listen to my body or do I ignore it and drop my basket. Once upon a time I would ignore the signs and eventually end up in the fetal position in a corner for about three or four days.  I would not eat, drink, sleep or leave my house. I would turn off my phone, deadbolt my doors and remain in my ball of nightmares until I either came out of it on my own or someone broke the door locks and found me.  Usually the latter.  I was very fortunate to have people in my life who helped me find my way back.  It was not easy and in no way happened over night.
I live with depression every day.  The moment I realized it was never going to leave or be "cured" I was able to accept depression as a disease that could be managed.  Does that mean every day I'm Suzy Sunshine? Nope.  Am I happy about having this disease? Nope.  Do I make the best of each breath I take and still live with depression?  You betcha!  When I have a bad patch I deal with it...and I don't keep it a secret.  My boyfriend, family, friends, boss...they all know I have this disease.  So when my brain and body tells me I'm not taking care of myself I tell people I'm shutting down for a couple days and I take the time to rest and regroup.  Believe it or not, if you are honest with yourself and those who care for you it makes taking care of yourself so much easier.
We all try to be everything to everybody all of the time...please never forget to put your own health first.
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3 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I know the demon, as well. For the most part the last few months have been pretty good, but lately my **** little job has been pretty bad and triggered the horrid battle to become almost unbearable. It seems to me even when those in my life say they understand, they really don't understand the torment of the beast we live with daily.

But at least I know there are those out there that do understand.

The meds just never seem to take away the depression enough to justify them, or they deaden my feelings completely.

yup, i can relate to you both..i have no idea how i managed to work through my depression.,..a 'functioning depressive' lol idk?...then the crash, and i ended up in the phsych ward. It never goes away completely..we just learn how to manage as you say..the important people in our lives understand

Thank you for sharing your story. I too live with an uncurable depression. Most days I draw myself inward, for I don't want others to see. I don't want others to pity me. I have begun to accept my life of anxiety/depression and I rejoice in the moments that I find peace in myself. That is today... I feel peace....I feel happy....I rejoice