A Long Road

I guess I have probably had depression all my life. It got much worse when I was 18 or so, and I have struggled ever since. I don't find I have the energy for so much as a shower sometimes. I feel so lazy, but I can't seem to find the energy. So I spend hours by myself, trying to escape into TV. I'm 31, and feel I should have my life figured out, but I am still so uncomfortable with myself, how I look and who I am . I would love to talk to others with chronic depression and feel less alone than I have been. Thank you for reading.
LostGirl1981 LostGirl1981
31-35, F
10 Responses Jan 12, 2013

I'm sorry to hear this..I have bipolar and ptsd, last several years have been almost all depression, my father and his father before all dealt with this. My father committed suicide. It seems as if your lost in a dark,deep, hole and will never find your way out. I struggled badly for 4 years after me and my g/f broke up. I prayed and did everything I could to hang on, at times the pain seemed unbearable, then I met my current g/f she was different from other women I dated, so full of love and patience. I firmly believe the more love you give the more you find. I have discovered I am no longer the mean,bitter,angry person I used to be. I have a lot of love to give, and I very much enjoy doing that. We don't have children and both have had a lot of painful experiences, now our prayer is to find a woman in need with a child who wants help, We would love her and her children unconditionally. Sorry I got off topic, I know that it seems that it will never end. I still deal with depression and feelings of worthlessness, but I'm glad I hung on. My life is better now and if God brings us more love then even better..just know your not alone! I have walked a mile in your shoes and still do from time to time.

Thank you for sharing!

i fight the loneliness and depression too PTSD,,,,,,its hard
listening when people say it gets better ????? people dont understand mental illness ,they just hand out pills ,hopeing it will make a change ? change has to come from within ,i havent truly found it yet ,still looking ,I hope it comes to you soon xx

That is true, I agree change has to come from within, and I think I will find the strength in me. At least I hope so.

It is so hard. I wish people understood mental illness better, because it may help those of us who are struggling. But some changes in attitude are happening. Are you getting help for your depression?

And yes exercise does help...if you can get up the energy to get to the gym! It has been proven to improve mood. As does sunlight or those solar therapy lamps. I want to get one but they are kind of expensive where i am $200+

Someone told me about those lamps, maybe I could see about getting one. I am not sure if I would have to buy one or if it's covered by insurance here (I live in Canada).

I live in Canada too (northern Alberta) where the sun is so wimpy. I don't think they are covered by insurance but you could ask your doctor and see if they can do anything. They may have some other ideas as well...

Thanks! I will ask when I see my counsellor this week, maybe she will have some ideas.

good to hear! I plan to get one in the next couple months..

2 More Responses

I feel the same, im 38 and its a nightmare, It does feel like being in hell sometimes

Hi you are exhausted because that is a symptom of depression. It is de-motivating and physically exhausting sometimes. And why should you have life figured out? Where's that rule written? Even old people don't have a clue to "life". Saying you "should" do stuff or be stuff just makes you feel worse. As far as I am concerned, if you are depressed, then you "should" be tired, you "should" be down...Have you talked to a doctor about it yet? What did they say?

That is a good point. I do see a psychiatrist, and he is quite nice. He has suggested I go for walks and try to exercise and try a new hobby. But I find my lack of energy really impedes me from doing these things, even though part of me wants to.

Yes I know :). I just went out for a 5 minute walk. It felt great except I live in northern Canada and it is just too cold. Just do what you can :)

It is cold. I live in Canada too, and it's hard to motivate yourself when the weather isn't great.

I didn't struggle with it until I turned 18 either. Now I'm in college and every single day is a challenge. It's so mind-numbingly painful. The pain just doesn't go away and I don't really know how to live anymore. I know exactly how you feel. How do you deal with this?

One thing that helps me is distraction. I find that helps me get through the rough moments. Do you like funny movies or have a favourite TV show? Or do you have an activity like a video game to keep your mind busy?

It is really, really hard to ask for help. Especially when depression isn't like a broken arm that's obvious to everyone around you. Thanks for your encouragement.

Dont give up asking for help. It is not beneath us and its good to know we dont have to carry the burden alone. Stories, experiences, situations, some may be the same, some may be different but I think we all carry the same "feelings" and emotions. I know it has become a very important part of me only very recently to lean on people...haha even when they have absolutely no clue Im doing it. Takes the pressure off.

Thank you :)

you will find many many people, as I, who share your struggle to live and not only survive..Keep coming back to EP. Read stories, try to respond to them. You just might be surprised at how many people out there care. I do.