Depression Story..

Well, I'm the kind of guy that thinks that everybody got a hell of a life, but I also also think I'm a person that have it tougher than many others even though I'm a lot better now.. For those who haven't seen my profile I'm 15 years old (16 in march) and a male.. I've been sad ever since I were a kid.. I were bullied since I were 6 years old, but I've been having periods of depression ever since I were two..

I actually learned it a week ago that when I were two years old my mom got really depressed because of birth or something and that affected me really much and I were scared for her and tried to make her happy and got dragged down with me..

When I were 11 years old I had a terrible heartbreak which lasted for two years approximately. I were just a kid and I reacted pretty idiotic. I would stalk down the girl I loved wherever she went and sit outside her house calling her and looking in through the windows while singing and listening to depressing music.. That was my scary way of reacting to depression and love. I deeply regret everything I did even though I can't do anything about it now..

The depression was also something which led to skipping meals and ruining my confidence so I would starve myself for two days before I would go swimming or something at school or in anyway show my body to people.. I didn't have any friends and was kind of locked inside my room 24/7.

In 2010 (13 years old) I met a really good friend which made my life really good and I felt like I was worth something. I also started on a new school with almost none bullying..

In 2011 my grandma "decided" to die because of cancer and I got mentally ill.. Not only like sad but REALLY depressed.. I reacted stupidly again, but this time with self harming and starvation. My whole life felt like it was over. Once I tried to kill myself a day when my brain decided to have a breakdown were everything felt like **** and I was REALLY angry. Angry at everything and everybody for nothing. My mom and dad fought me and managed to punch me down and sit on me until I were calm. The way I did it doesn't matter, but I hid the suicide letter for some reason and found it and burnt it recently which consisted of me telling my parrents how they ****** up my life and how much I hated them. The letter alone is the biggest reason why I'm happy I didn't die there..

I started to see things that weren't there. Shadows that were following me.. People that would sneak up in my side vision, behind a curtain or in the windows. I heard people yelling at me in my head and I knew I needed help..

In the summer 2012 my girlfriend broke up with me and left me to never speak to me again because of how messed up I were and my one friend that I could speak to forced me to go see a psychiatrist when everything was at its darkest. I did somehow do that and ever since then I've been going to her weekly and learned ways to handle my feelings and stuff :) I do feel healthy enough to live on my own now, but still feel kind of down now and then but everything is much better.
lillygome lillygome
13-15, M
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

Mate get a book by a geaser called richard karlson,the book is called stop thinking and start living.Honestly son it's really effective.

Thanks for response and tips :D Maybe I'll do it after I'm finished reading twilight ;)