Don't Get Close to The Locals, Especially When You Are Already Depressed

Why do I bother? I went and met up with the man I was interested in last night that I met online and we ended up getting too close. We had talked a lot at the restaurant first and gotten a long really well and guess what now he has disappeared off the face of the earth. This is a very small town and I hope he doesn't brag all over the place....I just can't understand men. I just can't tell their true feelings, because we talked about a bunch of stuff, had stuff in common...and it was all to get what he wanted? How will I ever know who really likes me? Should I have realized he was too good looking to want to be with me?

I know I am ugly and no one will ever truly want me as I have too many problems. I am trying to make up my mind to just give up dating forever. I was married once and lived with 2 other men at 2 different times and relationships are just so hard and stressful. I guess they aren't worth it.

It is sad and I keep getting hooked on anyone who gives me the time of day. Pathetic... I am fooling myself when I say I don't care but I really don't know what else to do...
clouds4208 clouds4208
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I guess I've been through this all too many times. And I admit, I have never learned my lesson. I still fall, I still open up, and eventually let go of myself and fall back into the pit of depression. Despite all this, I still hope for another day, a day that maybe someone will come for me and stay..really stay. I too, am tired of disappearing acts. They make you think you have so many things in common, they lead you to thinking they like you, but end up hurting you. But don't be too hard on yourself, there are a lot of bas+#$%@ out there, but I'm pretty sure there are still decent ones who are sincere.

Yeah I don't know why we keep doing it over and over...maybe some need for attention?? Anyway he did end up getting a hold of me after a little while, so I was pretty relieved. Maybe the trick is just to focus on our stuff and pretend not to care...what do you think? Yes there must be some decent ones somewhere!

And the retarded thing is why do I even care? We chat online and he pokes fun at me...then lol's then asks me to go out even tho he knows my car is dead right now and I can't use my parents'...then he gets mad at me...I just wonder if there are any decent guys out there? Guys who aren't jerks, who don't call women "bytches" like why is it so hard??

I hope that this is not too "adult"