No One To Tell My Story To

When I was young my parents got divorced. As a middle child I was already more likely to be given the least attention and my dad being successful and traveling all the time And my mom always suing him, I was often forgotten. I never fit in at school and was bullied up until grade 9. In grade 8 the depression hit. My mom was yelling at me for I wasn't good enough and all the abuse from my peers and brother made me snap and I started cutting. When my mom found out all she did was say stop for I embarrassed her in front of her friends. Life went on, cutting got worse, the. Highschool hit. Overwhelmed I got shy making me a target. Bulling for worse, my mom got angrier, and a week before exams I tried to kill myself. After the hospital I lived with my dad and brother and things were looking better..
Then on my way home one night a 50-60 year old guy raped me. His face is burned into memory and I still cry thinking about it. I told no one, I was too embarrassed to. I haven't had a decent relationship since, needed control and started messing around with older guys, I don't have any feelings of joy anymore. Cry too much in school so I don't learn enough. Everyday I wish I would die. Medicated but it doesn't help only make me sick. And even if it did I would never forgot his face.
I can't even tell people I'm gay because I'm scared if I bring up being gay it'll remind me of him and I might tell them l.
NottACareInTheWorld NottACareInTheWorld
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

Hey, I've been through some very similar things. I cut. My parents are divorced. I've been in the hospital. I tired killing myself more than once. I'm depressed too and some days are good and some days are horrible. I also battle borderline personality disorder and its hard for me to make friends. I'm in college now though and have been on my own for while. Things get better. You have to fight it. Don't think about the past and remember that you can always change the future. You don't have to be depressed forever.