How Can I Be Me? When It's Not Me Anymore?

Time can really fly by, I reflect on my last serious relationship, When she met me she could see the real me. People that say love does not happen unexpectedly are wrong I was always a shy person & have taken things to heart & as time goes by if your ultimately alone depression gets worse I never expected to find my perfect woman & when it happened I had got myself addicted to Valium I only started taking it to deal with the pain of being alone but when I tryed to stop taking it because I had now found that special woman it just didn't work, she had told me to stop taking it or lose me, I had been taking it for years for anxiety & it was too stressful to stop but now I just spend everyday thinking about the times I had left her to do what I did & all of the good times I missed out on being with her this was not the reason she left me but I can't help but think if I didn't have this problem she might have still been with me, how can she see me at my best when my best was a long time ago. I'm so fragile & scared for the future.
What's sad is that if I was the real me I don't think I would have lost it all if I knew what I know now " who knows " hope & love is blind.
somedayandoneday somedayandoneday
36-40, M
Jan 14, 2013