Depression, Once You Start Fighting Dont Stop

I am 43 yrs old and have been dealing with bipolor type 2 since my mid 20s. When it first I was scared, it took months of hosp, which then added to medical bills which we didn't have money for. Luckily I was okay for about 2 yrs, but then was back with a vengeance. I still didn't really understand what I was dealing with at all, all I knew was this horrible thing was back, so ma by it was best I just killed myself. That would hurt my family and I was sorry, but I was afraid dealing with my illness all the time would be worse. Turns out multiple suicide attempt's over a few yrs proved to be much for husband, and I cant blame him. I do wished we could have moved to bigger town where I could have gotten more consistent care, but thats not always easy to do. I finaly was able to move with family to a town that had a good mental health care center, support center and psych hospital. It took me a few yrs to get out of the cycle of overdosing to get help, I used to think the hosp wouldnt admit me unless I had actualy harmed myself. Its been 3 yrs now since my last admit to get meds adjusted with out overdosing first. I think Ive got it pretty well in hand now. Good grief i home so
nuttybooker nuttybooker
41-45, F
3 Responses Jan 14, 2013

I know what you mean my daughter in law has this problem and battles it at times and I suffer severe deppression and suicidal bouts its awful still fighting 23 years after it all started over a broken relationship .Keep fighting is all there is and take the meds they do help .

Thanks for your comment. I cant imagine having to deal with it as a child. Its mostly frustrating because most everything else in my life goes pretty well. I have great kids, great family, a bit of a roller coaster trying to find the right bf, but that's life and I've got a good one now. Need to work a little harder to get the job I want, that is a work in progress to.Any way I just keep fighting the good fight, remembering whats important. We all do.

It is constant maintenance.

Congratulations on your success in managing your illness. I have struggled since I was a little girl, and I know the exhaustion and frustration in fighting the on-going battle to stay sane.

Great work!