I Feel Like My Life Doesn't Make Any Sense

Today I bought antidepressants for the first time cause I almost had a nervous breakdown. I left my office and went to buy them. I received some bad news that were actually good a month ago. I am frustrated by my job. I hate it! I hate people I work with because you cannot trust them at all. I am torturing myself by doing something I don't like. I am not from the US and I am not working in the US but a small country with a bad economic situation and a lot of corruption.
I keep asking myself how did I end up here. I have an MA in international relations from a UK university, great professional experience but my citizenship is killing my chances of doing what I love - humanitarian work because I cannot get visa to do that. I am bound to do whatever cause I have to pay off my student loan so I can't really chose my job. Employment opportunities in my country for what I want to do and for what I'm educated to do are almost zero.
I last month I had received 2 shocking news destroying my chances for a bright future. Today I received the second news and cried my heart out cause I can't believe how every good thing has to turn into a bad one, and the wheel keeps spinning...
I hate my life and I feel like I'm stuck and going nowhere. I am afraid I might die hating myself and becoming an angry and frustrated person. I can't believe that a stupid paper like citizeship can actually prevent people from having a bright future but unfortunately I am living this horror.
I want to end my myseries but I keep thinking about my mum who would die if I do it. My family has fallen apart and my dad is an alchoholic so I have to live with that on top of all. I will never see a good day in my life. :(
tianas tianas
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

I feel for you and can follow what you are trying to say. I empathize as I have gone through some similar condition after serious brain injury which left me with short term memory, seizure, cannot comprehend anything talked to me first time, poor recall of faces, photophobia making incapable of working , so my masters degree good for oil industry went to waste.Developed a positive attitude after reading and knowing from news there are people in this world who have no shelter, no food, no support and suffer from abuse also. Trying to make the best from what I can make of myself, appreciating what I have. What I said is just my thoughtsof my life. Wish you all the best you can make.