Another Day Without You!

Another day surrounded by people but so alone. I miss you! I miss us! I can not go on without you. I think about dying every day. I just don't want to continue living with this pain in my heart. I have done the research and picked the method. The problem is I don't have the guts to follow through with it. There's still a small part of me that wants to live, wants to watch my kids grow. This part is getting weaker everyday and I know soon I won't be able to fight this awful heaviness that consumes my mind. I have therapy set up but in all honesty, I've been there done that. I'm tired of talking, meds and positive thoughts. My life is worthless and I have nothing to give!
Mell30 Mell30
31-35, F
6 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Its like reading sum thing I would have written its unfortunate to know there are more than just a few of us and happyness is just outside of our defective reaches, I wish you luck on your journey for all we can do is hope for better days

I wish i had two beautiful kids to make me happy. The worst part of all is that if your going through all of this, how neglected are your kids, they need you and they are watching and looking up to you..spend some time with them, they should be your greatest loves.

They are my greatest love and far from neglected. I am a good mom and they are my number one priority but even a good mom can have rough days. My marriage of 12yrs just ended and yes Im a mess but far from a nelegtful unloving mother.

This probably came off a little rude but it wasn't meant that way. I just have my good and bad days and when I wrote this it was a bad day. Regardless of how I feel, I am alway there for my kids. They live with me so their hard to ignore.(lol) They are my lifeline in a way because they love me unconditionally. The post did sound a bit selfish when I re read it so I see why you wrote what you wrote.

Try to do something for yourself everyday, rent a movie, buy a coffee, make a new dish, go to thr gym, occupy that space in your head. I cant say that u will be happy but u need to find tthat middle ground. Sometimes take a bath, and then go to sleep. Pass the time

I agree that u need to pack your stuff and leave. Thats what i did though i had a lot more going on. Get a storage unit, pay it for three monthes and drive to a place where u love the weather and soak in a new surrounding. Starting fresh will take energy and if u dont have enough energy to do things productive, keep ur things in storage and go to a mental intake program or shelter, u will meet people that will encourage u and make u kinda want to try again, and u can do it on ur own time. Sounds crazy but i know if i lose my job today i would admit myself because itsa hard when u lose the essence of what motivates u to go on

It's hard because I have two kids

I can understand. Do you have any family you can leave them with for a month or two? If not, how about going during their vacations. Take them along. You need to meet new people who know nothing about your daily life.

I've been looking into moving. I too think its the best thing. It's funny how live works out this way. Every corner and person has a memory that I want to forget cause its too painful.

If you can, change your city. That's how I coped. It really makes a difference when you leave behind familiar people, familiar places that carry memories. I got some of myself back. You will too

I tried suicide. It leaves you worse off than before. And the humiliation lives with you. Don't do it. When a relationship ends it feels like the world has ended but it doesn't and someday you do realise you can live without someone even if with baggage