What Life Can Do To You!

I have a story. We all have stories. Each of our’s may be different. However we will always find one thing that everyone will bond over, everyone has suffered pain at times and have the joy of knowing what happiness is.

Here is my story! My name is Amanda, I was born on February 22, 1999. The day I was born it was snowing, bad, I guess that told me I would go through many storms in my life. I have two siblings an older half-brother and an older sister. Yes, I am the youngest of my family. My mom and dad were off and on up till I was three, thats when they split for good. It was for the best, they always fought. However, I honestly wished I could have had a family that was under one roof. My sister and I were with our mom during the week and weekends with dad. Mom lived in a place that I loved not far from my school and not the far from dad. Dad lived on a big farm with his parents they owned many acres of land. I looked forward to the weekends because I knew I could be in place where if I wanted to escape from the world i could. Than one day when I was six mom decided lets move a little farther away from dad, that wasn’t the reason she wanted to move though. She wanted to move to the area she was born and raised, she wanted us to have what she had. And she also had a boyfriend who lived near where we moved to. She moved us an hour away from where dad lived. She moved me away from my girl scout troop, the only thing I really loved to do. When I got to my new school, sort of was an outcast even though I was only six no one wanted to play with me and no one wanted me there. Kids were mean to me, I was going to through a lot new school, new place, no friends, and my dad wasn’t as close as I wished he was. Weekends with dad weren’t always the best my Grandmother hated me and my sister. Holidays were the worst, outcasted by everyone but my dad and one of my aunts. Mom didn’t really have a family who was alive so it was me, mom, and sis for holidays. Christmas worked like dad got us Christmas Eve mom got use Christmas day. Easter spent with dad because easter egg hunting was what all kids loved and there was a big farm and many kids to play with. Birthdays dad got us the weekend of our birthdays mom got us on our birthday. Third grade came along had five main friends. March of 2008, worst time of my life. That month I lost my best friend because a car wasn’t paying attention and hit her, she past a few days after the accident. Dads birthday came along he had us that weekend spent a good long weekend with him. Thursday after that weekend get a phone call. Grandma. She broke the news to mom that dad had past in his sleep to a massive heart attack. Mom had a tough challenge to sit there and tell her two daughters they no longer had a father. Didn’t attend school that Friday. Why would we? Even though I badly wanted to go, get my mind of things. It affected me the most, I was a daddy’s girl. Wasn’t and haven’t been the same since. That year changed my life for good. As years followed on lost more family till I am now let with two aunts who don’t hardly speak to me. Fourth grade came along. Things went through my mind will this year be different. That year I met a good friend, Mack. Sat behind me in history he played with my hair, poked me, and just wouldn’t leave me alone. From fourth grade on he was my best friend. Fifth grade came along didn’t talk to hardly anyone so much of a loner. I only talked to my Mack here and there. That year was awful for me. Sixth grade, same thoughts went through my head just like every year. However, things looked up for me. I loved the teachers, even made new friends. Ceren, Adam, Mack, Carl, and Sam they were my people. Crazy bunch all alike. So close to each other. Spent a lot of time with Ceren. Always partnered in evening math class with Adam and Ceren for group work. Until the teacher said no more because I did all the work. I didn’t mind it that was the only thing I tried hard on, was school. Ceren and Mack started dating. I was the counselor of the relationship. I never told Ceren but I secretly liked Mack, always had. However i was in a relationship to.... with Sam. School ended as well as Mack and Cyan’s relationship. Sam and i dated through summer. I went swimming with him, his mom and, her boyfriend at the time Alex. Summer was crazy for me that year. Seventh grade came, ended my relationship. Same friends.. but William moved and we replaced him with James. My group of friends sorta split.. Ceren and Carl one way, Mack and Joseph another, that left me and Adam in the middle. I got in trouble hanging with Mack, only because he smoked, drank, and did other illegal things. However, I was going through a lot hit depression stage, cut, ruined myself, and i left scars on my legs that I will always remember. I guess when I hung with Mack and Joseph I was relieved of stress. I wasn’t the happiest kid around. I loved my best friend who didn’t even care. He found out I liked him nothing changed.. same good friends as always. Even though secretly i wished me and him would have a future. Seventh grade trip. I was the Social Butterfly.. talked to strangers.. even followed by one. I enjoyed that trip. Summer came. Went to church camp met my great friend Daniel. Lost touch with Mack but hangout with Joseph and sometimes Mack would be there. Right before school got out I had been at the local park, and I was with the same two boys i was always with. Mack had his shirt off Joseph was holding it. I was playing with Joseph knife, he got mad and took Mack’s shirt wrapped it around my neck pulled and i squeezed my hands a little between the shirt and my neck. Saved my life, Mack sat there and watched me cry, scared to death i through the knife in a direction he let go, i hit the ground, my shoes my purse, and they had it. I took off in one direction and they took off in another. Bare foot, nothing with me, and I was in tears got my stuff back after they just left it there. Kept this a secret. July,me and James argued and got in a verbal fight. Friendship ended. August Mack got interested in my sis. Promised that he would be my friend no matter what.. She used him.. He forgot i even existed. Summer ended with me being upset. Eighth grade started, mathew finally remembered his promised he made me.. talked to me some but than i was in a relationship with Thomas so he stopped talking to me. Thomas was 18. Mom approved. At the beginning of the relationship I had an older friend Alex, Thomas’s cousin, guy i had known back since my last relationship. Thomas told me to stop i did. Three and half months later Thomas and me broke up. Got friends back. Talked to Daniel more.. hung out with my old friend Katy. And texted Alex again. Me almost Fourteen him 23.. Texted every day... for a little over a week.. He told me things i wanted to hear.. Made me think he loved me.... Made me laugh.... Made plans with me... Told me he loved me.... Shouldn’t believed him... He admitted to playing me just to get back for when me and his cousin dated because his cousin accused me of cheating and he wanted to get back at me for that.... not his place... he hurt me... he tried to keep texting me.... I told him to stop because he was only hurting me more.... Said things that hurt me more... And that brings me to today... The day this all played out... Now i am listening to music, hurt, pouring my heart on this document. It is January 22, 2013. I have few friends and now me and James are friends he is moving, so i am left with hardly anyone but Daniel. I want answers to my questions why does life have to be so hard? Why did i have to go through so much and i am not even a quarter way through life? Why do people hurt you? Why does life have so much pain? When will I feel wanted?

I have dreams for myself that i hope i can reach i want to go to college, Be a lawyer, find a guy who ACTUALLY loves me, and have a family. However it will be a long journey i will always have God on my side.

My curiosity is will I go through depression again, will I always feel alone, will anyone out there truly love me. Life is hard to live and I can say that because of what i have been through. Things will happen to people that they will remember them forever, how can people treat others so bad and not realize hey they have been through things to. I wish this world could be filled with people that have nothing but love for others. I wish, my life would be different, but I know things happen for a reason. This is just away people can see I have been through many things in my life and they aren’t alone.

Don’t hide feelings or emotions like i do... Open up and share your stories.
Never let yourself get down. Stay strong.. and push through.

****Peoples names have been changed to keep identities disclosed. Except mine.
Sincerely,
A girl who has been through it all.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 22, 2013