My Awful Life Story Part 2

Hi this is the second part of my crap life story. If you read the first part it explains
in more detail what i did up to the age of 34 And how my head was full of confusion was I Gay
or not as I was still a Virgin.
2005 im 35 still stuck in my male dominated environment. My job is rubbish but it pays the bills
All my friends have now practically gone and done their own thing. I also am having seizures quite regular.they send a Girl to work with me she is early twenties.We soon get on quite well and start dating she becomes Girlfriend number 2 of my life. When my Mom goes away i bring her home with me as we have nowhere to go. we go out for about 6 months but again I have problems in the bedroom and we break up.3 more People come out as Gay that year
Little Britain Elton John marries his Gay Partner George Michael is being Gay This all goes in to my already really screwed up mind with all the other Gay people that are in it(see part 1)
So I am a 35 year old Virgin who cant properly have sex with a Woman so am I Gay?
2006 rolls round I am 36 practically all my friends have Girlfriends . I never go out My Brother has a 2 year old Boy by his Girlfriend, I am a waster a loser a loner Im stuck in my crappy job
(a dingy basement betting shop which has all male customers) i work all evenings i feel cut off from life and a gay guy kills himself in December 2006. I am a 36 y o virgin am i gay too? 2007 I am 37 I am having seizures I never go out I have no friends male or female.
No Sex or Girlfriend I am 37 and still technically a Virgin.I am at rock bottom taking anti depressants I still dont know who or what I am.I read on the Internet about Foreskins and have a fantasy that i would love a Man to play with my foreskin while i play with his.So I go on the internet looking at other mens dicks i especially like dicks with foreskin.I posted some pics of me and I would get a kick out of it if someone paid my member a compliment.
But I was lonely i did not have a life I just wanted someone I was desperate for a Woman
I used to look at guys in the showers changing room with their nice big bulges when i was younger but all Men compare right?
that xmas i exploded and had an emotional breakdown i wonder if it was all the rubbish i put in my head that caused it.Early 2008 I was hospitalized from the breakdown where i had just lost the plot and my head literally blew up.I thought people were trying to kill me in the Hospital I was all over the place.About May 2008 I came home I am now 38 just lost in life trying to rebuild it.still a loner.still having seizures.still got no life no sex no Girlfriend. Virgin.
2009 comes round I am 39 My Brother has a 5 year old son with his Girlfriend.My life consists of my crappy job in a dingy place full of men but it pays the bills.I have no life no friends barely any social outlet I am just lost .My seizures are about once every 10 days i still take anti depressants.No sex or Girlfriend at 39.I go to Hamburg and visit the red light area and pay for sex but again i have problems i either cant come or cant get it up.So what the hell is wrong me??????? Im so lonely i would love a nice girl but i have all this gay stuff in my head clouding it.Fed up of seeing happy couples together Please i need some advice thanks for reading
defoekeane defoekeane
36-40, M
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Sorry, you can't play with my foreskin because I don't have any to play with. Like the overwhelming majority of American males born in 20th Century, I was circumcised; but that is becoming less routine here now and nearly half of the parents are opting against it.

I am no psychologist or psychiatrist - this is just my opinion - but I don't think you fully understand that sexuality is fluid that many, if not most people, are neither 100% heterosexual or 100% gay, that there are many degrees of bisexuality and even pansexuality. Don't hate yourself for having some gay fantasies. I think perhaps you suffer from internalized homophobia.

What has helped me is to build new acquaintanceships and be more engaged with people.

From 1994 through 1998 I worked for a British shipping company, so I became a member of the Royal Merchant Navy. My homeport was Southampton, Hants. At first I thought the Brits were the coldest most unfriendly people in the world. I was an American surrounded by Brits and I had nothing in common with the other crew members. In time a few warmed up to me and now I have a few life long friends in places like Bristol and Sheffield.

Do you think your life might improve if you could just get out of your mother's place? Maybe find a flat-mate and move??