What Have I Become?

*this was typed on my kindle fire, so sorry for any mistakes.


I don't know much about the medcial part of depression. I just know that it takes everything out of you, makes you feel like you're just going through the motions of a human being. It will come to a point when you're so sad an you can't even cry. You will build an imaginary person inside you, an alter ego. You will become that person, but they are not you.

I am 14 years old, and I have the typical teenage depression. Before you go and tell me to get over it or stop digging for sympathy, don't bother because I already know that. Eventually I will be me again, and I DO want people to tell me it'll be alright and that they're one the same boat as me (not implying I want others to he depressed, of course.)

I don't know exactly how to describe this feeling. When I was a little happy kid, I use to think it would be cool to be emotionless, to be able to do everything based on logic and be able to walk away from any emotional situation unscathed (I was an emotional child). Now I would rather feel pain then nothing at all. Everyday when I come home from school or something, I feel completely broken down. All I want to do is go home and reread the same books.

Back to the alter ego thing. I have created an ideal me in my mind. She is everything I want to be and every flaw I'd rather have. She is smarter, taller, thinner, prettier, stonger, and more mysterious then me. That's who I want to be. It is taking over my mind andnI don't know what to do about it. I want her to be gone. She is not threatning or anything, but she scares me.

The cause of this? No idea. Sometimes it's ok, I can be human, but most of the time I hate life. Not just my life, but humanity as a whole. Why even bother living when you're going to die? What greater good will I ever do? Are all the marks I leave going to be scars? I know I have friends that can see right through this facade, but I can't call to them for help, so this is my anonymous plea for help. Please answer it.anony
dawnwillbreak dawnwillbreak
13-15, F
2 Responses Jan 23, 2013

you're not too far gone. if that were true i would of been gone a long time ago. When i was your age I was very depressed. I would sleep in the dark all day, I would get forced up just to eat. Music was the only thing I listen to, and I had no friends. Eventually I broke free, I really don't know how. I think its because I met a real positive best friend who helped me move past what I was depressed about. She kind of distracted me from my negititve thoughts, would we always have fun together and laugh all the time. The next thing I remember was taring down the posters covering my bedroom windows. It was a scary time for me, I was cutting and everything, but that one best friend saved my life. So, don't think you are too far gone, something one day will come along that will change you for the better. Just be strong and believe in yourself.

We all have our periods where we feel a little down in the dumps.

I have found that finding a passion, something that inspires you to make a difference in this world can snap you right out of a depressive state. After all, people like to feel like their lives have meaning and that they are needed in this world :)

What gave me that sort of meaning was veganism and animal rights. It's like it woke me up and awakened my inner empathy. In a world that is becoming more and more apathetic, a resurgence of empathy, connection, and being aware of social issues (and then doing something about them!)would help create a world we'd all like to live in.

Anyway, this speech inspires a lot of people to make a difference in this world, I suggest you check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es6U00LMmC4

Thanks for reading and commenting, but I think I'm too far gone.

You will feel that way when you're feeling that depressed, I felt the same just over a year ago but I'm a lot better at the moment. The key is to think more positively and try and do things you enjoy doing, even if you don't feel like it or feel as though you're not having fun. After a while you should start to notice you just start to feel okay automatically without thinking. I'm having one of those days where it is harder to motivate myself but I never really feel so down anymore that I think life isn't worth it because I know I can eventually bring myself out of it. Try it, it could help.

LOl, you're silly. You aren't too far gone. Have faith and confidence in yourself to live your life in a way that you know is a good path to walk.

You are a unique person and YOU have something valuable to contribute to the world. You just might not have found your knack yet. There's still plenty of time though.

It's not that I feel completely worthless, I know I'm good at some things and I have people that love me, but I just feel empty.

Then it's time to fill yourself up with some of the love others give you. Be receptive to it, watch the speech I linked you to, and you should feel a little better :)

2 More Responses