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How I Feel

my life 'was, and it's still, a struggle against depression, up to the point of accept it without trying to figure out why or find a remedy.
My anxiety and panics attacks are triggered by events always seem futile .. by period of my childhood until today.
my bad luck was that I had no help, for the simple fact that no one is' never bothered to know why I was acting in certain ways.
my parents were always absent in my life, too busy in their arguments or in their wars.
I did not receive love from them and has not been followed in my growth so I could not continue the school.
Only teachers have tried to move something by organizing sessions at psychologists, but they have attracted no interest from those who could help me,
I was teased as a child by everyone, for my physical appearance and my strange ways of doing things, the age of adolescence was a nightmare,
always blamed for my rebellious nature and at the same time inactive,
lacking motivation but ... no one ever wondered why ..
. I did not have a line, I did not know what was right or wrong, I just always thought that i was crazy and that one day I would find the courage to kill myself. .
Now I have 33 years old, I still suffer,
not change anything, but I'm tired and full of physical and mental pain,
I cry often and I do not believe in anything,
i cant I trust people
i move away anyone who tries to love me,
i can not manage relationships.
I maybe have no desire to die anymore, and I must live ....perhaps to redeem some karma from past lives or something ..
I do not know how far I'll go,
I am consuming slowly and feel bad about anything.
I live in a different world from the "real " and I do not know if it's right ...
are currently frustrated ... kind of devastaded
akeyo akeyo 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 24, 2013

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Hi Akeyo,
First, I like your picture, your name, and your writing style...it's sorta poetic.

I feel like I can relate to how you feel. I have this unmet need in my gut and in my depression-fogged brain to simply have my own feelings affirmed in some way. I know I am broken. I accept that. However, I am encouraged that someone else out there is going through some sh*t.

Thanks for sharing.

NV