Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Everyone Needs To Read This

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.
genetica genetica 26-30, F 80 Responses Jan 24, 2013

Your Response


Thank you, that was amazing

hi there genetica I have been depression for years me his adult baby so will you please chat with me friend baby Michael glencoe2

Wow. I've never heard it being described so eloquently or so realistically. I suffer as well, as do members of my family. I think that just by writing this, you are educating people about the depraving depths of depression, and hopefully changing minds about it being a selfish affliction. Your words beautifully and accurately describe our everyday lives. But I will ask you now, and without sarcasm or judgement, what keeps you going? I can tell you what keeps me here... it's the everyday things that I force myself to see... whether it's a nice day, or a good song, or an initiated conversation with a friend (or online stranger) who just listens... there is always something, if we look hard enough. And I know that it's hard, and if I don't see one today I might see one tomorrow. I guess in the end it's my unwillingness to give up that keeps me going... that I believe that there HAS to be something better, one day, and if I die, well I'll miss that chance. Can I share your words with others? Because I know people who think they know how to talk to people with Depression, but in the end they're blowing smoke... if you haven't experienced it, you don't know what it's like... and the thing that bothers me the most is those that think they know but don't... and the subsequent "advice" they dole out. I think you have an amazing insight, and it can be utilized to help others feel understood. Maybe you could become involved in volunteer work, because nothing makes a better person to talk to than someone who's been there and done that... someone with true empathy... have you ever tried that? You have a knowledge that's needed in this world... there is true value in what you've been through... consider it. Love, Peace, and Blessings.

If you can think your way out of it, or volunteer your way out of it, or "do" ANYTHING to get out of it, then you don't have the major, treatment-resistant depression described by the author. There is no trick escape hatch from it. It's a wiring problem with the brain. Only medications or treatments that physically alter the brain's function have any hope of relieving the indescribable suffering. Trust me on this one. I know it for a fact.

Add a response...

I shall share these words with my family. Thank you.

Good thing I improved my biota health and I took my cod liver oil. Light, nutritious foods are very important.

hi me has been there for the past 45years it his amental illness and me his still the same way now genetic baby Michael glencoe2

I hate the meds but I love the meds.

I used to be. I can relate.

I have been looking for a way to describe depression. This hits the nail right on the head. Thank you-hugs

You have expressed the condition so true to the source. If you don't mind- I would like to post this story to my blog whilst giving deserved credit to you. It will be on this website so you know I am giving you credit. Thank you.

Reading this honestly made me cry. I've never read something that touched so close to home than this.

Yes , best said, thank you

Wow.. I've always wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings, but it seems that you've already done it. I had tears in my eyes, because this describes me so much and my downward plunge.

It's like you've taken my thoughts and feelings away and put them into words.

Perfectly articulated.

Thanks for what you've written. It's entirely true and it desribes perfectly the living hell of depression. I've been there and I know.

The more and more I read your article, I identified with it. It is nicely written and I do try hard each day to get out of bed but I don't see the point.

What a well written post. Thank you for putting it into words that make sense, so that other's can understand what I am going through.

I live in a small town of vicious, ignorant people who have scapegoated me and attacked me constantly, destroyed my reputation and basically my life by spreading gossip behind my back, because they don't know depression when they see it. There is no dealing with this. When you're depressed, people just think you're stupid. And in a way, we are, because depression causes our thinking to slow down. I have had a really hard life because of it, and all most people have done is hit my fingers with a hammer, when it is all I can do to hold on by the fingernails in what seems like a's all so very hard.

That is the best, concise description I have read in a long time. I think I am going to copy the text to my local PC for reference. My wife is one of those that doesn't understand and very nearly divorced me for it. Luckily I got help and live a much fuller life now, but my advice to anyone that feels this way: talk to an experienced professional. By experienced, I mean someone that won't go straight for the prescription pad, but will take the time to figure out what your needs really are. In my case, my depression was more psychological, so a change in lifestyle was more therapeutic than the drugs I tried. I still needed that kick in the pants to make those changes, but now I am drug free and doing well. Working with someone was hard at first, but it probably saved my life.

you are right! I have depression and I spend all my energy on not trying to commit suicide.

This resonates with me so completely it is eery. I thank you for helps to know that there are people who DO understand what it feels like.

I think my experience complements your own, so this is a good place to post.

I thought I was depressed, so I went to the medical specialist with four pages of examples. He sped through the list, and then said "anxiety, this is all anxiety". To the non-professional person these two conditions can get mistaken for one another.

The best cure for anxiety is apparently knowing that you have it. I've changed my life around and have learned to recognize symptoms. The only medication was one to use in anticipation of highly stressful situations.

So, if you think you're depressed, talk to someone professionally trained to review your symptoms. I think Genetica knows well what her condition is. But for people here to find answers, check with a doctor also.

My depression comes and goes, but it seems to usually be here. Actually, I think it's always here, just sometimes it lessens a little bit. Lucky me, I got to sleep normally for two entire weeks.

I have not slept normally for years. The exhaustion was making the depression much worse. Thank God for Ambien...though it doesn't always work, especially if I'm emotional/upset.

Thank you for putting the words to something thst i have trouble explaining to anyone even myself. Im really struggling with depression i dont even want to believe it. Your words feel me with hope tat im not pathetic....

<p>OK.....I went and got a link to the Beck Depression Inventory.....This is a legitimate professional diagnostic tool. Take its results seriously! If you cannot click on the link, cut and paste it into your browser.<br />
<br />
</P><br />
<br />

I feel guilty because my depression must be so hard on my wife, that makes me more depressed, I go through bouts of rage and listlessness, to the point where I can't even be bothered to string a few coherent sentences together. Where just to go out in public is humiliation because I slouch, drag my feet around and look miserable, I feel like everyone is staring at me and knows what a miserable wreck that I am then that makes me feel worse, forget about getting any work done when in that condition. These are just a few of the many many symptoms of hell, purgatory, clinical depression. Thanks for the excellent description.

I've been depressed for a long time and am to embarrassed to seek for a professional help. Everyday I think about how nice it would be if I just die and don't have to feel anything again. I fantasize about death more than a dozen times a day... I don't know why I feel depressed... It's like an accumulation of things and memories that I can't explain. Like a dark cloud. And that evil and dark suicidal thoughts lurk inside my head all the time and tells me to just end this suffering... Last night that thought visited my head again and it was stronger than before. I was afraid to leave my bed because I might look for something to be used to end my life. While battling that thought, I realized that I want to live. My desire to live is stronger than my desire to die. I will see a doctor on Monday and look for help. I'm tired of living like this, but I know that deep inside I don't want to die.

Good for you, maybe the doctor can get you some meds that will help out

Thank you. Depression is indeed a harsh enemy. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends because as far as they know, I'm the toughest person they have ever known in their lives. I didn't mean to trick them, but somehow they have that image about me. Right now I am trying hard to be positive, I'm clinging to my hope to see the doctor on Monday.

Read my posting I'm going to post.

Good for you! What a great observation. We often think we want to die but don't we just want thwarting suffering to end? So glad you understood your intense suffering as the sign that you want to live! Good luck to you!


2 More Responses

I keep looking at your story and being amazed at how exactly you hit this nail on the head. Everyone who doubts the legitimacy of depression needs to read it, And....I would also say it should be read by people who think they might be depressed. Some people need to be told they are NOT depressed. The difference between "a case of the blues" and the crushing, immobilizing mental pain that is genuine Clinical Depression needs to be delineated, Mental health professionals know how to do this. General/Family practitioners may not. Its why mental health professionals are necessary.

I cry everytime I read this because this is exactly how I feel! "Normal people" have no idea how depression feels. Im bipolar and cried all day at work yesterday. Sometimes I feel so miserable, I'm sure being dead would be better. Feeling like crap for no reason and not having a reason why....I feel all of your pain.

There IS a reason. You are sick. Your brain is sick. The brain is just another organ like the pancreas and it is having trouble making its neurotransmitters like diabetics aren't making insulin. And, just like diabetes, depression can kill you. Please be careful. and think really hard about admitting yourself to the hospital. You should not be alone if you are having thoughts about being better off dead.