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Everyone Needs To Read This

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.
genetica genetica 26-30, F 82 Responses Jan 24, 2013

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Beautiful!!

Well done. Nicely written and very accurate

"Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.' It surely aint .. be it cant be all you are. or you can't survive.

Amen!

Thank you, that was amazing

hi there genetica I have been depression for years me his adult baby so will you please chat with me friend baby Michael glencoe2

Wow. I've never heard it being described so eloquently or so realistically. I suffer as well, as do members of my family. I think that just by writing this, you are educating people about the depraving depths of depression, and hopefully changing minds about it being a selfish affliction. Your words beautifully and accurately describe our everyday lives. But I will ask you now, and without sarcasm or judgement, what keeps you going? I can tell you what keeps me here... it's the everyday things that I force myself to see... whether it's a nice day, or a good song, or an initiated conversation with a friend (or online stranger) who just listens... there is always something, if we look hard enough. And I know that it's hard, and if I don't see one today I might see one tomorrow. I guess in the end it's my unwillingness to give up that keeps me going... that I believe that there HAS to be something better, one day, and if I die, well I'll miss that chance. Can I share your words with others? Because I know people who think they know how to talk to people with Depression, but in the end they're blowing smoke... if you haven't experienced it, you don't know what it's like... and the thing that bothers me the most is those that think they know but don't... and the subsequent "advice" they dole out. I think you have an amazing insight, and it can be utilized to help others feel understood. Maybe you could become involved in volunteer work, because nothing makes a better person to talk to than someone who's been there and done that... someone with true empathy... have you ever tried that? You have a knowledge that's needed in this world... there is true value in what you've been through... consider it. Love, Peace, and Blessings.

If you can think your way out of it, or volunteer your way out of it, or "do" ANYTHING to get out of it, then you don't have the major, treatment-resistant depression described by the author. There is no trick escape hatch from it. It's a wiring problem with the brain. Only medications or treatments that physically alter the brain's function have any hope of relieving the indescribable suffering. Trust me on this one. I know it for a fact.

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I shall share these words with my family. Thank you.

hi me has been there for the past 45years it his amental illness and me his still the same way now genetic baby Michael glencoe2

I hate the meds but I love the meds.

I used to be. I can relate.

I have been looking for a way to describe depression. This hits the nail right on the head. Thank you-hugs

You have expressed the condition so true to the source. If you don't mind- I would like to post this story to my blog whilst giving deserved credit to you. http://embracingyourpurpose.wordpress.com/ It will be on this website so you know I am giving you credit. Thank you.

Reading this honestly made me cry. I've never read something that touched so close to home than this.

Yes , best said, thank you

Wow.. I've always wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings, but it seems that you've already done it. I had tears in my eyes, because this describes me so much and my downward plunge.

It's like you've taken my thoughts and feelings away and put them into words.

Perfectly articulated.

Thanks for what you've written. It's entirely true and it desribes perfectly the living hell of depression. I've been there and I know.

The more and more I read your article, I identified with it. It is nicely written and I do try hard each day to get out of bed but I don't see the point.

What a well written post. Thank you for putting it into words that make sense, so that other's can understand what I am going through.

I live in a small town of vicious, ignorant people who have scapegoated me and attacked me constantly, destroyed my reputation and basically my life by spreading gossip behind my back, because they don't know depression when they see it. There is no dealing with this. When you're depressed, people just think you're stupid. And in a way, we are, because depression causes our thinking to slow down. I have had a really hard life because of it, and all most people have done is hit my fingers with a hammer, when it is all I can do to hold on by the fingernails in what seems like a hurricane....it's all so very hard.

That is the best, concise description I have read in a long time. I think I am going to copy the text to my local PC for reference. My wife is one of those that doesn't understand and very nearly divorced me for it. Luckily I got help and live a much fuller life now, but my advice to anyone that feels this way: talk to an experienced professional. By experienced, I mean someone that won't go straight for the prescription pad, but will take the time to figure out what your needs really are. In my case, my depression was more psychological, so a change in lifestyle was more therapeutic than the drugs I tried. I still needed that kick in the pants to make those changes, but now I am drug free and doing well. Working with someone was hard at first, but it probably saved my life.

you are right! I have depression and I spend all my energy on not trying to commit suicide.

This resonates with me so completely it is eery. I thank you for sharing...it helps to know that there are people who DO understand what it feels like.

I think my experience complements your own, so this is a good place to post.

I thought I was depressed, so I went to the medical specialist with four pages of examples. He sped through the list, and then said "anxiety, this is all anxiety". To the non-professional person these two conditions can get mistaken for one another.

The best cure for anxiety is apparently knowing that you have it. I've changed my life around and have learned to recognize symptoms. The only medication was one to use in anticipation of highly stressful situations.

So, if you think you're depressed, talk to someone professionally trained to review your symptoms. I think Genetica knows well what her condition is. But for people here to find answers, check with a doctor also.

My depression comes and goes, but it seems to usually be here. Actually, I think it's always here, just sometimes it lessens a little bit. Lucky me, I got to sleep normally for two entire weeks.

I have not slept normally for years. The exhaustion was making the depression much worse. Thank God for Ambien...though it doesn't always work, especially if I'm emotional/upset.

Thank you for putting the words to something thst i have trouble explaining to anyone even myself. Im really struggling with depression i dont even want to believe it. Your words feel me with hope tat im not pathetic....

<p>OK.....I went and got a link to the Beck Depression Inventory.....This is a legitimate professional diagnostic tool. Take its results seriously! If you cannot click on the link, cut and paste it into your browser.<br />
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</P><br />
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<p>http://www.docstoc.com/docs/document-preview.aspx?doc_id=25325198</P>

I feel guilty because my depression must be so hard on my wife, that makes me more depressed, I go through bouts of rage and listlessness, to the point where I can't even be bothered to string a few coherent sentences together. Where just to go out in public is humiliation because I slouch, drag my feet around and look miserable, I feel like everyone is staring at me and knows what a miserable wreck that I am then that makes me feel worse, forget about getting any work done when in that condition. These are just a few of the many many symptoms of hell, purgatory, clinical depression. Thanks for the excellent description.

I've been depressed for a long time and am to embarrassed to seek for a professional help. Everyday I think about how nice it would be if I just die and don't have to feel anything again. I fantasize about death more than a dozen times a day... I don't know why I feel depressed... It's like an accumulation of things and memories that I can't explain. Like a dark cloud. And that evil and dark suicidal thoughts lurk inside my head all the time and tells me to just end this suffering... Last night that thought visited my head again and it was stronger than before. I was afraid to leave my bed because I might look for something to be used to end my life. While battling that thought, I realized that I want to live. My desire to live is stronger than my desire to die. I will see a doctor on Monday and look for help. I'm tired of living like this, but I know that deep inside I don't want to die.

Good for you, maybe the doctor can get you some meds that will help out

Thank you. Depression is indeed a harsh enemy. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends because as far as they know, I'm the toughest person they have ever known in their lives. I didn't mean to trick them, but somehow they have that image about me. Right now I am trying hard to be positive, I'm clinging to my hope to see the doctor on Monday.

Read my posting I'm going to post.

Good for you! What a great observation. We often think we want to die but don't we just want thwarting suffering to end? So glad you understood your intense suffering as the sign that you want to live! Good luck to you!

The*

2 More Responses

I keep looking at your story and being amazed at how exactly you hit this nail on the head. Everyone who doubts the legitimacy of depression needs to read it, And....I would also say it should be read by people who think they might be depressed. Some people need to be told they are NOT depressed. The difference between "a case of the blues" and the crushing, immobilizing mental pain that is genuine Clinical Depression needs to be delineated, Mental health professionals know how to do this. General/Family practitioners may not. Its why mental health professionals are necessary.

I cry everytime I read this because this is exactly how I feel! "Normal people" have no idea how depression feels. Im bipolar and cried all day at work yesterday. Sometimes I feel so miserable, I'm sure being dead would be better. Feeling like crap for no reason and not having a reason why....I feel all of your pain.

There IS a reason. You are sick. Your brain is sick. The brain is just another organ like the pancreas and it is having trouble making its neurotransmitters like diabetics aren't making insulin. And, just like diabetes, depression can kill you. Please be careful. and think really hard about admitting yourself to the hospital. You should not be alone if you are having thoughts about being better off dead.

For those who are interested to know, the definition of clinical depression is established by a series of 7-10 questions (I'll have to see if I can find them) that allows the person to demonstrate a sad or melencholy mood that lasts for an extended period (2 wks?) and substantially interferes with daily functioning. If you felt depressed over losing a relationship and 5 days later you snap out of it and go about your life, you are not Clinically Depressed. If a person is subject to Clinical Depression, even when on medications, they are not cured....they go into remission. The Noonday Demon (good book, by the way) can pay a return visit anytime. If you think you are depressed make a visit to your Community Mental Health Center where you can get treatment on a "sliding fee" basis.....maybe even free!

Hey what do you know about that.....someone actually "gets" it . You must have a medical degree or something..

nope.. just been there.

Yeah. I was being sarcastic myself. I am no doctor but you sure can easily tell being down is not the same as being too down to care about being down....

Im so happy to finally be able to respond on a post!!! This is so true about depression... I have battled with it since being preagnant threw my thyroid off in 90's..Didn't even know what depression was...Literly best way to describe I was like the happy sad masks...was always smiling had bunches of energy worked 40+ and was in school... I was very driven and motivated...Slowly but surely this all went down the drain...this so true about everyday small things... you have to make urself do things in the past were 2nd nature...its been a hard struggle...people who knew the get it done you think ur still on top of the world...basically people think this is the best you there is, then some think ur lazy dont care about anything not even urself dont wanna smile or talk to people...if they only knew what is evolving on the inside...people who dont know depression or thyroid issues think when u comment u were a whole different person and was highly motivated u feel the scratching the haed vibe like ur lying...

Im so happy to finally be able to respond on a post!!! This is so true about depression... I have battled with it since being preagnant threw my thyroid off in 90's..Didn't even know what depression was...Literly best way to describe I was like the happy sad masks...was always smiling had bunches of energy worked 40+ and was in school... I was very driven and motivated...Slowly but surely this all went down the drain...this so true about everyday small things... you have to make urself do things in the past were 2nd nature...its been a hard struggle...people who knew the get it done you think ur still on top of the world...basically people think this is the best you there is, then some think ur lazy dont care about anything not even urself dont wanna smile or talk to people...if they only knew what is evolving on the inside...people who dont know depression or thyroid issues think when u comment u were a whole different person and was highly motivated u feel the scratching the haed vibe like ur lying...

I am utterly flabbergasted by the number of people who are feeling the same was as me? I thought I was the only one.... I need help so badly

This is exactly how I feel at this very moment! I'm bipolar and am rite now going through the depression stage this week. My apt looks like hell at this very moment because I have no strength to clean up. I have recently thought about cutting my arms just to see myself bleed. Release some pain possibly. I don't wanna die though. I would cut my outer arms. Not where my veins are. Sometimes my life feels so miserable I just wanna end it. But I don't wanna die. If that makes any sense. You have expressed everything in this letter to correspond with my feelings. Glad I'm not the only one. I hope u have a better day than I will. On my way to work, crying silently on the bus.

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Yes, I do know exactly what you mean about wanting to die but not wanting to kill yourself. I've been in that exact head space more frequently than I'd like to remember. Yeah, it's almost like the pain in your mind transfers to your body and everything begins to ache and if you could just make yourself bleed maybe that sting and that rush of endorphins would provide you with the 1-2 punch of the masochistic need for pain and release that seems to come when one's depressed (at least it does for me.) When I'm really low I feel extraordinarily masochistic and really wouldn't mind just being slapped and beaten and if blood was drawn, so be it, I'd be helpless to respond either way. Sometimes my depression takes the opposite route and I become very angry and it's more of an aggressive down feeling where I lash out at people and become a bit of the sadist. When I'm not depressed I don't feel inclined to act out on either of these tendencies whatsoever, it just comes out when I'm feeling really low. Hope you get the help you need, babe.

EXACTLY.

I am a depreSsion suffer and what you wrote touched my heArt so true so true x

Unfortunately for us both, I so dearly feel your pain. There's no way for me to personally know what your going through. Yet, I BELIEVE we can somehow figure out a way to LET IT GO.

I know exactly what you mean. You're preaching to the choir!

It's sad to hear so many stories of dispair, I was there for years. On antidepressants and sleeping pills, living with a man who was in so much pain he was suicidal at times...I decided that I was NOT going to live the rest of my life in such a deep dark pit. After a couple years of research I have found many people who have stopped listening to the doctors that keep us on drugs and the media that holds us emotionally hostage.

By the time we are around 30 our over 90% of our lives are ruled by our unconcious thoughts. We all have magnificent brains, we have the power to change our thoughts and become concious beings. I'm not sayting there is no need for medication but there are many people out there who have come out of the pit through diet changes and alternative therapies...Believe in the power of you <3

Please be so very careful with blaming society and declaring the answer is within. This is one of those areas where a person must realize that they are responsible but not to blame for their condition. The only person who can take the necessary actions is also the person who feels most powerless. They need to be encouraged to take whatever action makes sense to them.

Why did you have to stop listening to the people who were trying to help you? Did they let you down? That is sad. But for many, feeling no internal resources at all, handing oneself over to medical treatment is such a blessed relief! And I'm not sure where you got your '"age 30/90%" statistic but please be careful about tossing around unproven "facts"

In the end, I agree with you. Each of us needs to have faith in ourselves. In the end, I am all I've got!

The shrinks promote and exacerbate their psychobabble for commercial profit. Its an excuse for failure, an excuse to blame someone or something else. Before shrinks started promoting it, people mostly had work to do, and work is the best "cure" or prevention for depression. Bodies doing work produce endorphins and other natural hormones that make you feel good.

Sorry, hon, I don't buy the psychobabble excuse.

Please, feel free to remove yourself from this group. You are part of the problem. I should just delete your comment for its utter callousness, but I'm going to leave it up to spark conversation if you or others would like to reply. Just look at all the people who have commented on this post who would beg to differ with you. It would do you some good to take what was said above to heart. This isn't something people can just tune out through small bursts of endorphins released from physical exertion, at least not those who are afflicted with it severely, and it's clear you never have been actually depressed a day in your life. Why are you in this group or are you just a random troll? I'm going to repost a couple lines from above that really ring true, "Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged."

Dear DozerDan:

1) The last time I checked, I don't think anyone cares if you sink a penny into "buying" an excuse, hon. It sounds like you believe anyone experiencing depression owes you something.

2) It would be a truly wonderful world if you all you have to do was work out and the "blues" will simply fade away.

It's a common fact about endorphins and working out, but not all people produce endorphins at the same level, so there are people who may not benefit from exercise as much as you would like to proclaim.

3) It sounds like you've never really dealt with depression, so please do some research into the fact that people had to deal with it centuries before "shrinks" and "psychobabble" were so prevalent.

During the Renaissance, it was called "Melancholia" and even the Bible in Psalms and other places describe the author going through Depression.

Dan-

Maybe it would lead to productive discussion if you answer a question for me.....Why is it important that you believe what you do? I am not gonna castigate you for your statement, though I do disagree with it. But why can you not believe that there is an illness that drains your ability to accomplish any work...That neutralizes the body's endorphins making it impossible to feel good...that puts you in a position where you can't think strait, let alone succeed. Depression is real! And I would ask you to consider that there is no cure for it,,,,only treatment.

Your point of view does not do anything to illuminate the topic. Why not stop and think how you can do that. Maybe by asking a question?

Genetica-

I think I saw those words elsewhere....no fair cut-and-pasting....lol. Dan is another one who seems not to be able to see past his own nose or feel past his own fingertips. Pity him.

1 More Response

God you are right I hate my life I take tablets for all my health problems just want to feel human again .

Thank you

Thank you for writing this, I don't know what else to say. You've described something I thought was indescribable.

I understand, although many people sometimes don't understand. I have sometimes felt depressed too from time to time, I sometimes fear that depression might take me over because when ever I feel depressed, I know how it affects people and I just hope it all gets better for everyone, including for you and me. I hope everything is okay for you, your family, your friends and other people you know.

Amen...People who havent dealt with this type of depression cant have a clue as to just how bad and endless clinical depression can be.

I've never been able to explain what my life is like so well. Thank you so much.

Moronicjester's comment sounds sincere. But even if its not, its good to see it posted and establish the fact that some people just don't get it. My father was just like MJ. If it isn't within their own personal historical experience, it can't be true. They have no room for the experience of others in their reality. It is their loss really. How broad can one person's experience be? They miss out on making connections with people who could add valuable depth or breadth to their lives.

It hurts to be negated. This is true. But for people beset by depression (and I am one) the important thing to remember is that there is no way out of the Fog but thru it. Let the words of depression deniers pass by as unnoticed as the joy you wish you could feel. Try to take solace in the knowledge that it won't last forever. Find others to fill your ears and mind with that message.

Oh...and one more thing. Take your meds. If anything can burn off the Fog like sunshine on a bright spring morning, the medications are it. If the first one you try doesn't work, try a different one. Give them time and let them work for you. And keep taking them no matter what the nay sayers (especially the one in your own head) shout about snapping out of it. It will not last forever. And you do have the power to overcome the darkness. You can do it...I promise!

Thank you so much for your comment. This was an excellent postscript to my thoughts in the original post. As for MoronicJester's comment, moronic as it was, nevertheless, I appreciate your understanding take on his sadly narrow point of view and how you extrapolated from his example the fact that this IS the world we live in and others can't relate and tend to react in unsupportive ways. That's a hard pill to swallow, on top of an already overwhelmingly bitter cocktail--I guess I'm referring to depression itself. It really takes a lot of personal understanding and emotional maturity to deal with all the opposition hurled at you, external and internal alike, when suffering with this.

As far as your comments about meds.. it hits home with me personally. I've been off Prozac for about a decade, not that I haven't needed it, but I've refused to go to a therapist until now. My partner implores that I go and threatens to leave me unless I get on some meds. I've needed to get my insurance sorted out but I'm presently anticipating my first round of anti-depressants. Thanks for the reminder, and again, thank you for your thoughts here.

You are welcome....and thanks for your appreciation!

I decided to reply to you to tell my med story. My first bout of depression was 1987 when, under the stress of a bad marriage, I broke down. I became a near-catatonic mess who could do nothing but sleep. Back then meds were very crude and some of the side effects were as bad as the illness they treated. Cotton-dry mouth, tremors, heart palpitations...it really was hard to justify taking them. Over the years I have been on no less than a dozen antidepressants, some anti-anxiety meds....no Xanax for me, thank you....I just kept trying new prescriptions when the old one wasn't working for me. Its funny....I could not tell you that there was a "magic pill" that made it all better but over time I managed to climb out of the hole. Around 1990 I began my campaign for convincing myself I was well and didn't need the meds any more. And I did pretty good....until 1999 when, under the self-induced stress of a career change and a major geographic move, I broke down again. Not as bad as the first time but frightened by the prospect of ending up that bad, I sought out counseling and medications (doing both is always a good idea) and a psychiatrist to medicate me. By then the meds had improved. But they still take so damned long to act! It was the same process as before....Lexapro didn't work so I tried Prozac, Paxil, Elavil....again I don't remember what worked but I got better. And yet I was not satisfied to stay on the meds. I felt like they represented a character defect. Yes, they helped. But it would be better to be free of them. The expense was a motivator. Around 2003 I stopped taking them and asked my wife to watch me and let me know what she saw. She saw anger, irritability, and a generally unhappy guy. But I wouldn't believe it was me. I blamed her for ******* me off. I wasn't depressed, I said. I had good reason for my anger. That went on for a couple years until a weird free-floating anxiety almost made me agoraphobic. Back to the doctor for a script for the stuff that had worked before. It worked again. I swore I would never abandon meds again and began working on the damage I had done to my marriage. Lesson learned? Nope. After a year or so I dropped myself off them again. By this time I could withdraw myself without a doctors help. Things went along swimmingly until about 9 months later. I fell off The Cliff. I know my depression is real because it hits me physically as well. My bowels turned to jelly and I began dropping weight like I did in 87 when I lost about 35 pounds. I felt like I was in emotional free fall. I began what I thought was a good self-care strategy and warned everyone around me that I wasn't feeling right and begged their pardon in advance. My wife asked if I had been taking my meds. I was busted. I had promised her I wouldn't quit them again. Back to the doctor. I have now been on my combo of generic Wellbutrin SR and Prozac for about 5 years. Wellbutrin is also known as Zyban, the smoking cessation medication so along the way I managed to quit smoking. I am finally convinced. I know my system needs those drugs like a diabetic needs insulin. Life is not perfect but it is much better. I wrote my stay-medicated pledge down and gave it to my wife to shown me if I ever try again to live life unmedicated. I think I've got a lock on it. But it took 20 years of persistent, stubborn fighting with myself to know that I just had to back off my control issues and just take the damn pills!!!

Please, genetica, learn from my story. Spare yourself and your family a lot of pain......and take the damn meds!!!

"You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy." As someone whose had major depression before, I know exactly what you mean with how much effort it takes to try to do ordinary things when you are depressed. I remember at the time that I had depression in high school I thought if I just kept telling myself "i am fine" then my depression would somehow go way, but that's not how real depression works. A lot of my teachers thought I was a really bad kid because I would do things like skip class or not finish homework. What they didn't know is I would skip classes not because I thought skipping was cool, but because some days I physically couldn't get out of bed in the morning, felt like there was nothing to live for. Or some days I would skip class because I didn't want any one to see me cry so I would hide in the bathroom.This was very well written and true, thank you for writing this.

Great story, I feel judged all the time by people who have never experinced those feelings, even then it's hard to describe the way you feel to someone who hasn't, without them thinking your just lazy or a little down. I feel like a big floppy penis when I'm at my worst, good for nothing lol

I feel you. It really takes away my ability to even remotely accomplish basic tasks, let alone tackle larger projects and be able to get ahead. I have a hard time 'working' because of this, and I feel that it comes across to others as laziness. I can't even help condemning myself for being so worthlessly lazy, despite knowing there's a legitimate reason for it. I have so many unfinished projects laying around.. it hurts to even look at how little progress I've made in the last 5 or so years, since it's been really bad. All my goals and dreams falling by the wayside as I'm next to helpless to do anything about it. Some days I will get angry enough that I've had it and I tell myself I'm going to make it through something, but even then... I'm lucky to even get started. This is so terrible. I wish more than anything else that I could just find the focus and drive to make it through my projects. My life is in ruins. Thanks for understanding and for your story.

No worries you're preaching to the choir lol I feel like that about work and stuff all the time, you've just got to ride it out and stay positive I suppose.

Very moving... thank you for sharing this.
Sitting here tonight, not feeling great and it helps that people understand it
xxx

it explains it all so well.

Thank you for writing this! I used to be depressed, but I'm doing well now. I feel your pain, and if you are depressed I really hope you're able to rise above it. Many people don't respect depression as a legitimate illness. I hate to hear such simple minded people talk about what they don't understand. And I hope you never let them bring you down :)

How long have you been ok? If you don't mind me asking, I've managed to get myself to a good place a few times over the years that I've been dealing with depression but I tend to go right back down after a few months, it's frustrating and feels like you're climbing out of a bottomless pit just to slip back down again.

I know that feeling, for sure :( I feel okay now because I have an actual, tangible goal to work towards that means something to me. My depression stemmed from other things, but it feels good to have something I can work towards. For me, it's a light at the end of the tunnel. If my goal was taken away I'd sink right back down again. I've been okay for about a year now. Barring any crippling injuries, I can keep working.

Cool, keep it up ;)

Hi! I have the same, I'm still not fully ok yet, and often 'relapse' but not as bad anymore as before, I'm sometimes incredibly slow at doing everyday things and have difficulties with decisionmaking and stuff, but I haven't been in any hole for about 6 months now and not in the 'deep hole' for about 1,5years and I'm much better in general. What helps me is doing a sport, in a club twice a week at least. And I've set a goal there.

I'd say I'm at the same point as you with being a bit slow and tired and the decision making, I've not hit rock bottom for a while now but I nearly did a couple of months ago after having a good happy period so I suppose I'm just getting over that. The worst thing about this though is it's nothing like a broken leg where a dr can say it will be ok in a few months because no one knows when it will get better, you just have to ride it out and then when your back to your best, ride it out some more who ever knew life would be this hard :S

I love to hear the stories of people recovering and coming out of that terrible condition :D I hope you can fully recover in time, both lalee and D112. Depression is truly one of the hardest things to overcome in life... I hope that someday we come up with an effective cure; all these little pills just aren't enough. Hoping for the fastest and most rewarding recovery for both of you! :]

@D112. Well it's not so easy with the broken bones either :) I already was depressive before, but the first time I hit total rock bottom was about 1 year after an accident I had a few years back, the bones didn't heal properly and I couldn't walk properly for over a year and it took me about 2 years with operations to be able to walk again without pain. And I still can't do many sports I used to do before. And when the accident happened the doctors said it should be ok in 2 months, and it turned out they were wrong.
But I know what you mean, it's harder to explain, and there's no typical case on what's going to happen.
I think all there is to do is to go on and appreciate the little things. And to realise that life is not supposed to be easy (even though it might seem so for other people). For me it also helps, that I'm not the only one, especially when something bad happens. I'm glad that I currently can count on family and friends who I can call and who often manage to talk me out of totally freaking out and drowning when something bad happens. It wasn't always this way. I often had nobody. And it's terrible how something minor can totally set me off. In those cases I don't even understand myself. Logic doesn't help at all. But talking about it does somehow.

I probably should have used a strained muscle as an example broken leg was a bit extreme lol no offense intended. Thanks Behmeh you too.

D112: no offense at all, it was kinda funny you managed to put your foot in it :)
Thanks Behmeh, you too!

6 More Responses

Thanks for writing this!

Thanks for your confession, I feel your pain.

So well written. May I copy it? I know many places this should be seen.

yes, feel free to share. :)

Hey this is one of the best descriptions of being depressed that I have come across. I hope that it will create compassion for people who have it. Thanks for writing this.

Sometimes it helps to know someone out there understands. It is so hard to be among a family that see's you not as you are (depressed) but as anything they can put "understanding" to. It is not that you wish to sleep all day or cry for no reason. It is not that you choose to be withdrawn and sad. It is something like a possession you cannot get rid of. Like darkness has taken over your life. When anger is the only emotion you can feel to take away the pain....and yet you are always alone.

I tried so hard to get my husband to understand. He doesn't see that its a daily struggle to have that one smile a day. That I take medicine that makes me gain weight, have acne, thinning hair, and tares my stomach to pieces just for that one moment of a smile, laugh, or a feeling of being happy. But it all fades when I see myself in the mirror and what I have become for that moment. Sometimes I wish that I was that person that was able to not eat, or cut, or even end it so that I can have some relief. But even then I fail at having an outlet. I cannot imagine another 30 yrs of this....in ways I envy my brother...he had that courage to move on in life...but then I think about my girls and how I am so alone b/c those that knew that I am going through have move on and I cannot bear to think that If I leave that one day one of them might be like me and be alone b/c of my selfishness. So I stay for them....and if one day they have grown and show no signs of this then maybe I too can move on......

Every day is hard. I've been there and I'm in and out of there constantly...it pains me to know that you hurt so bad, that's it's a daily struggle to survive... I know the feeling, I just didnt have to cope with it as long perhaps.. Think about the good more than anything else. It's not easy, but necessary. It's the only way through, he more often you can think positive and live positive and open he easier life becomes.... When I write this. I know hat you are thinking,( you don't know me, that won't work for me, and there is no cute) I've been there. It hurts, u don't feel human. But you can have it back. Think of all he things you used to be.. Maybe crafting and baking and enjoying early mornings.. Those were some of mine.. In a way I'm saying all of this to help me too. I'm not better, I still struggle everyday with the person I've become. But I never let it get bad enough it overcomes me as a whole. I'm always aware of what I CAN do and where i. WANT to be. Frickin long post I'm sorry. I could even keep going, but the end

Thanks for sharing your story. Please be strong and if you can get on medication, you should see if that might help. :)

On point! And what you said about compassion is so true its just having that right person at the right time. Lets hope they wont talk advantage of the gratitude given for that compassion and use it as power... It's happening to me.. and I just feel like I owe so much to them when in reality now they are just sending me into another spiral...

This brought me to tears, you described what it feels like exactly.

Very well written. I found myself nodding while reading. Not to sound trite, but I am right there with you : )

Wow, thanks everyone for reading and responding to my post. I've really been overwhelmed by the positive response this post has gotten. Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and stories. I've had a particularly hard day today, just feeling the futility of it all, how minimal our prospect really is to better ourselves in this world without years and years of toil and sacrifice and not really getting to live life. Today was not a good day for responding to messages from people who aren't aware of what it's like to feel like this... just letting the random "How are you doing?" texts go unanswered because if I told them how I was actually feeling I would alienate people I want to continue to know and I can't find the energy to start a conversation with that same old little white lie, "I'm good, how are you?" that would quickly become too energy-consuming to keep up with. Signing in today and seeing all the comments and stories and rate ups really made my day. Thanks guys. Feel free to get in touch if you would like to talk for any reason.

If you have the time please view my profile and check out 'scoff' I think you would understand or be able to give some advice. Or just don't, what ever, your choice.

Hey there, I did check out your profile but I could not view "scoff"... I actually wasn't able to see any of your stories, if you have in fact posted any yet. I'd be happy to read it if you could link me to it or something? Also, you might want to take the F-bomb out of your screen name. The community has apparently flagged your profile and I was unable to send you a message to communicate this because of it... :/

Great article. Just came across this site and just what I needed.
How is it I've become so listless...so pointless...so apathetic. I have a 2 year old son who should be the centre of my world and I find it so hard to care, I just make sure he's safe, clean and fed and even this is a daily stuggle. My partner just thinks I'm suffering from the heat...I wish I could find I way back to when I thought anything was worth doing, when I knew joy, and I could see a future. And I'm so tired of pretending I'm not crying and putting all my energy into looking normal.

I know what you mean babe.. maybe you just need to let it out, cry a little and pull away from mainstream society and any expectation placed upon you to uphold normalcy--i mean, yeah, we all have jobs and stuff, but maybe you could take a vacation and think things through (something relaxing like a meditative retreat, which could maybe show you a different perspective). I don't know if that would help or not. Even if it doesn't change things, it will give you a moment to process your pain so that you can begin looking at it. I feel the same way, by the way. I used to really care about things, I used to have a lot of drive to succeed and be somebody important in this world.. i don't know what's happened.

Hey i have to add if i had given up to depression and done what i felt like doing i wouldnt have my kids and my little grandson and grandaughters. My youngest wraps me round her little fingers haha........Grandpa xxx

OMG........depression.....im retired now and still alive and really happy with my kids and grandkids. But the first time i had it (when i was young)...got drunk..was rotally lost...finally went on pills (from doctor) could have commited suicide..certainly wanted to. Felt lots of the feelings that you guys described. Somehow i came through it!! The next time it happened i recognised it....went for treatment...knew i could beat it. It happened again about 8 years ago. Recognised what it was right away...went to the doc...told him..hey im depressed...gt the pills....knew i could beat it again...and i have. Lost my wife a bit later and got through that. Dont wait till its too late!! Life can be a *****...but its the same for everyone in different ways. Its an illness...lie on the sofa while you have it ..take your medication...and the nice times do return

yeah depression is that bad and that real.i want to stay in bed and never wanna do anything but than my kid keeps me moving.so i have to do what is a duty thu my heart isnt in anything.it took a form now of constant headache,heart burn.and later would turn in to ...no escape

Thank you for writing this.

I am currently in the downward plunge and it seems to never end because as soon as I think I have hit rock bottom something else happens making me fall deeper into the depression.
I have the deepest thanks for posting this because this post helped me explain to my fiance why I am so dependent on him all the time. And out of all the times I have tried to explain this post helped me explain in a way he understands and it is already helping our relationship mend.
Thank you so much!
Your my Hero

So glad to hear this helped you sweetie! Be strong, if you need to talk you can message me. And there are lots of really nice people in the group too. You're in good hand here. Take care xx

depression changed my personality completely to another one and it's hurts to see yourself going in the bad road
i mean now i don't know how to get back normal again

I know exactly what you mean. I have two different personalities as well.. my normal one, which is nice, and my depressed one, which is just terrifying for my family and friends. Therapy and possibly medication if a doctor deems it necessary could be one option you might consider for getting back on the road to feeling normal. Good luck darling. :)

thanks for listening to my words and understanding me it's means a lot to me
and i wish also the best

Thank you for posting this.

100 % true ! But i think taking care of depressed person can work :) what do you think about it :O ?

Well said. I have been battling depression on and off since I was 18 and it is not an easy thing to live with. Personally, I think it is good that it is no longer shunned and that people can be honest about their illness.
My Dad suffered with depression as does my sister but she will not admit it.
Getting busy does not always help either. It does not matter a fig cos some days as the poster said you cannot even get out of bed!

Since when did depression turn into a thing? Why do little things like this have to be viewed with such impact? Things were better when people were ignorant, way better! Get BUSY people! Fill your day with tasks so that the little breaks you 'll get will feel like 10 minutes of heaven.

OMG..... No. You are not allowed. SO so so horribly wrong. You are ONLY 18 - 22 years old and talking to all the people in this group who deal with this like you're some authority on this subject. I'm trying to abstain from lashing out with obscenities here, but seriously at the age you are you have next to no ground to stand on. Not trying to pull rank here, but just stating a fact. You don't know what you're talking about. You know so much of nothing that you really deserve to be slapped for this egotistical atrocity. When did Depression become a thing?? I don't know... it's been in textbooks for centuries, there are pharmaceutical drugs approved by the FDA to treat this KNOWN disorder readily prescribed in hospitals and facilities across the WORLD. Who are you? Tell me a little about your life? Tell me the worst thing that's ever happened to you. What's scarred you the deepest in your entire life, and while you're at it won't you please give me the brilliant coping strategies you've used to help yourself deal with your wounding experience? I'd really like to hear that.

oh, sorry, 18-21.

I should just delete your comment for its utter callousness, but I'm going to leave it up to spark conversation if you or others would like to reply. It would do you some good to take what was said above to heart. This isn't something people can just tune out, at least not those who are afflicted with it, and it's clear you never have been actually depressed a day in your life. Why are you in this group or are you just a random troll? I'm going to repost a couple lines from above that really ring true, "Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged."

Thank you for this story. I am there now, suffering through a bout of depression and my husband who has never had or experience depression the way I do, does not believe me, so I fake my days specially when he's around.

So true!! Unfortunately i know! Been there!

:)

damn right.