Lethargic, the constant state of my being. I find myself these days contemplating the choice of suicide and I don't really know why. I am not even in a truly sad state of being when the thoughts come but I am in such a slump of being that I feel as though the only way to change things is to find out what's next. I see it as some sort of twisted freedom from the boredom of my life. There is so much out there that I want to do, things to see, people to meet but every day, every hour, I just sit here while it all passes me by. Why do I do it? Why do I continue to sit here in this cubile, continue to go home to a messy apartment to someone who won't ever be at the level of commitment I need, continue to sit there and watch the tv show all the people I wish I could be. Bored to death, that's how its going to end. No rhyme or trauma to the matter just... gone.