How Does One Go About Changing Themselves?

I was mentally in a really bad place for the past few months, and I know I was pushing people away from me. So, today a person who is very dear to me decided to tell me exactly how they feel about me and my behaviour.
In a way I am thankful that I still have people around me that care enough and have the guts to tell me when I'm wrong or when I **** things up. But it still hurts to hear some of the things, you know? Because in the end, I know myself the best and I know exactly what my faults are and saying things like "People will end up hating you" and "You will lose something precious if you continue living like this" don't really help my cause right now.
I don't like hurting people I love but in the end I always somehow manage to do the wrong thing. I feel very regretful for some of the things that happened over the past few months, but I also know that no amount of crying or whining about it will make anything better (even though that's exactly what I'm doing by ranting on here).
I really want to change who I am, well not really change but I want to improve myself - I want to become a better person, a better daughter, a better friend. But I have absolutely no idea where to start, or even how.
onetwopunch onetwopunch
18-21, F
6 Responses Jan 26, 2013

The fact you are aware is the first step. Unfortunately, there is no guaranteed way to get out of this wihtout stuffing things up somewhere. We are raised to believe stuffing up is bad and to be avoided at all costs. I tend to disagree. Babies fall when they learn to walk. We lose that instinct to try and try again, til we succeed. Babies don't behave the way we do when they fall. They take it as given and work that bit harder next time.

I suspect that is all we can really do. Also, be aware that it is just a phase. You are not same as what you were a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago. You won't be in a month's time, a year's time or a decade's time. It feels eternal now because it fits you as well as a bad pair of undies. The fatc you are uncomfortable where you are at now means you will eventually find a way out. Just a phase... Truly!

Take each day as a new leanring experience and spend a quiet moment looking at where it went wrong, how it could be done 5% better next time and what went right, and how you can maintain or grow from the good parts.

Stand tall, even with the fall. The ground is there to catch you.

Very insightful! The "people will end up hating you" comment struck a chord. I am experiencing that now and am wishing to change how things have been going. I know the change has to happen within myself (although I'm in the 'Aw, screw 'em' stage). I also know there are good, likeable and desirable things about me.

I wish you luck on the path you're traveling. Know you're in good company and there are others traveling a similar path!

I hope you will get through your problems soon, cause' I know it's not a good place to be. You're right, the change has to happen within, sadly no one can snap their fingers and then suddenly you're a whole new person - the decision to change has to come from you alone, you can only start with yourself.

Thank you for your kind message, and I wish you all the best in your future! :)

Thanks for sharing that. When people are experiencing depression and withdraw everything seems to be overwhelming. I have been on both sides of this.

It can be confusing. Since every relationship is a different dance, there is no right answer. I am a recovering co-dependant, so it is tougher for me. Sometimes, I just let the person know I still love them, and let them figure out what they want.

I wish I could fix the depression, despair, and emotional pain of others, but I can't. I know I have put other people in a position where I unconsciously wished they could fix mine. Sometimes, loving a person means letting them know you love them, and that you are there if they want or need to talk.

It can be really challenging to love people with more serious chronic depression. You are right that threats and ultimatums backfire, and only worsen the pain. When it comes down to it , although we can make changes for the better and grow, we all want and need to be accepted as is. Patience, gentleness, respect, kindness, ( not doormat though) go a long way. Blessings as you work through this.

Thank you for commenting and also for sharing a bit of your own story. It's true, in the end we all want someone to accept us as we are - with the good and the bad.
I hope you are well, and thanks again for the support. :]

this is like my story when i was at your age.
i was very negative minded and could not laugh on myself. i even used to hate my parents for little things like their scolding etc. but i had one best friend- my elder sister, who guided me and i listened to her. the best thing with me was i was aware of my problem and willing to change it.
now i am a far better person and have friends in my life :)

Thank you for commenting, it's always nice to hear that one is not alone in a certain situation - I'm glad things have turned out so great for you.
I hope you are well, and I wish you all the best :)

Thank you for your wishes.
Stay Blessed Sweety.. :)

A true friend will tell you the things you don't want to hear. Hopefully that friend followed up with something like, "I'm telling you these things because I care about you and want you to be happy." If you need space in your life though, then you need space, plain and simple.

Venting your feelings and crying/whining aren't the same thing. Can you imagine how awful dealing with any problems at all would be if you couldn't express yourself and bounce your feelings off of other people, even in a relatively anonymous way like this? I know it would drive me crazy. If you have people in your life that care enough for you to tell you the hard truths, you must be doing something right! Of course there is always room for improvement, but beating yourself up for going through a rough patch won't help.

Just take it day by day. Try to push yourself away from freezing up in smaller situations and it makes dealing with the more important ones easier. Make the effort to mend any wounds that happened in your relationships. The people who really love you will understand and look past mistakes. None of us are perfect.

You sound like a smart, caring girl & I wish you the best of luck :]

Thank you for your thoughtful comment :) I really appreciate it!

You're right, I really am lucky to have people in my life that care enough about me to say these things. I also know that I've hurt them by not opening up to them. I'm afraid to share my fears and doubts with people close to me, I guess I really need to work on that.

Sadly nothing changes over night, everything takes time. I just have to be patient and I mustn't give up when hurdles block my way.

Thanks again, and all the best to you too! :')

i think it's all abt d attitude,,,,,dats step 1 en u r already there so wish u d best!!!

Thank you for your comment, I hope I'll eventually become someone people can be proud of :)

I hope you have a great day~