Lost Myself.

life is taking a wrong turn and i can't stop it. there are so many things i could tell you about that make me depressed but i choose not to let it get to me because i don't want the bad things in life to defne me. maybe they have already defined me. i am getting angry for no reason at all, my mother is making it worse on me. i retaliate because the way she treats me. in every bad example, i am there. what did i ever do to her? i don't know why but she takes out all her anger and stress or whatever on me. i don't know what to tell. so many things just jumbled up. why does she blames me for her mistakes? why does she remind me every single day that i am the reason for all her pain even though i did nothing, i was about to be born! maybe i am the reason nothing goes right. maybe it's me who's limiting herself. i don't know. god, i'm so frustrated. i don't know where to start. i can't take it anymore. i am just 13 and my mother excepts me to handle the whole house! i used to do it before but then i got tired of her **** and i became a rebel. i have somethings of my own to take care of. studies for instance, i'm no student of the year. my mother told me she could help but she didn't, she doesn't undertstand. she thinks she's some perfect little human and she can't be wrong about anything.i get it that she has problems of her own and i always try to help, she always pushes me away. all the spotlight has to be on her. i am so lost. i feel like breaking down, i am not good enough. what the hell is good in me? i get it, i am mean to alot of people, my so called friends, my family. but for once has anyone of them tried to just get to know me? understand me? hell no! today was no better. it was even more shittier than yesterday. i don't know what to do about it. anything, actually. it's getting more worse each day. maybe some of it is my fault too. i'm admitting that much. i don't know how long i can be on my own. i have done eveything on my own. there's a difference between being independant and alone. 
depression is something in which you have to ask for help or you help yourself. i have learned that much about it.
CuriousIronButterfly CuriousIronButterfly
13-15, F
Jan 27, 2013