I Battle Depression
I was never like this. Honestly I dont think anyone is born with this. The things we go through and experience make us the person we are. Well at least that's how it was for me.
I always had family problems since I was little. Screaming, beating, chaos just everywhere but I got use to this daily lifestyle. I learned to deal with it. As I got older everything started to get better, so i thought. I remember the day perfectly, I was with my brothers and cousins spending the day together, having 'fun.' That day was filled with euphoria, i wish it never ended, i wish it wouldn't end. I felt it was to good to be true. I never felt so much bliss in this one day.
I wish i had never woken up the next day. I wish i could of stayed in bed and not go through what i did that morning. The day my brother past away, is a day i will never forget. The fact that i was with him not to long ago. The fact that i was the one that led to his death. I gave him the car keys while he was under the influence, when he initially decided just to stay home. I loved him so much id do anything for him. That day emotionally destroyed me inside and out. After that day i never smiled the same, i never felt happiness anymore. I never felt the same. All i felt was numb.
I smile, laugh, cry, scream, get angry, sure I show affection to others. That doesn't mean i feel or mean it. I could be out with my friends in a party, in a beach, at a restaurant, and not feel anything inside. I would show all these emotions at the appropriate times but feel nothing inside. Within time, 5 years, you can say my depression towards my brother has gotten better. I still cry at times but not as much as i used to. But ever since that it had left such a powerful impact on me where i feel as if all the emotions I show are numb to me. As if i dont really feel that way. I know for sure whatever i go through whether it be something good, i will always feel numb towards it. It doesn't bother me but i wish i could go back to feeling the same way i was before. Feeling happiness again.
I always had family problems since I was little. Screaming, beating, chaos just everywhere but I got use to this daily lifestyle. I learned to deal with it. As I got older everything started to get better, so i thought. I remember the day perfectly, I was with my brothers and cousins spending the day together, having 'fun.' That day was filled with euphoria, i wish it never ended, i wish it wouldn't end. I felt it was to good to be true. I never felt so much bliss in this one day.
I wish i had never woken up the next day. I wish i could of stayed in bed and not go through what i did that morning. The day my brother past away, is a day i will never forget. The fact that i was with him not to long ago. The fact that i was the one that led to his death. I gave him the car keys while he was under the influence, when he initially decided just to stay home. I loved him so much id do anything for him. That day emotionally destroyed me inside and out. After that day i never smiled the same, i never felt happiness anymore. I never felt the same. All i felt was numb.
I smile, laugh, cry, scream, get angry, sure I show affection to others. That doesn't mean i feel or mean it. I could be out with my friends in a party, in a beach, at a restaurant, and not feel anything inside. I would show all these emotions at the appropriate times but feel nothing inside. Within time, 5 years, you can say my depression towards my brother has gotten better. I still cry at times but not as much as i used to. But ever since that it had left such a powerful impact on me where i feel as if all the emotions I show are numb to me. As if i dont really feel that way. I know for sure whatever i go through whether it be something good, i will always feel numb towards it. It doesn't bother me but i wish i could go back to feeling the same way i was before. Feeling happiness again.
By:
hazelinacid
Age:
18-21
,
Female
1
response
