*Looks Around Session Circle*

Hi, my name is J, I'm 20 and currently stopping out of school. I have no friends- thats not true I guess *laughs* I have been an escapist for a lot of years now starting when I was in high school and I needed to escape into my own little world to escape the ****** ******** that bombarded my existence with sulkiness, up until now where I use my escape techniques to lie to my parents and friends about the "productive" things I am doing with my life. My dad has stopped giving me money and I feel like I'm going to be homeless soon, I don't know what I should do...
"And how do you feel about life in general, J?"
Yeah I feel like it would have been best if I had grown up in my cousin bobby's household. I'm sure that if I grew up there, I would be motivated and successful just like he is. I have thoughts about killing myself.
"Tell us about those thoughts. J"
Well my most recent one was where I purposely fell off a bridge when I was with my Dad, but I caught myself with one hand and started screaming for his help. And when he came to save me and desperately tried to pull me back to safety, I took out I knife and chopped off my hand that he was holding on to and fell to my death while screaming, "**** You." Yeah that was pretty nice to imagine... and I thought about blowing my brains out in the shower this morning... the glass covered with red and gore... that was a pretty nice feeling too.
"Thank you for your words, J. Do you have any ambitions for the future?"
Yeah, I have plenty of stuff I'd like to do, but maybe it'd be best if I died now though...
"J, please tell us what your ambitions are..."
Ok fine, I'd like to be a Marine Biologist and be the chief pilot of a deep sea submarine that was created for deep sea exploration. One of my biggest fears is the ocean and that is why I have such a strong passion about going there and facing my fears. I'm not afraid to die and I'm not afraid of becoming homeless....... I just don't ******* want to right now, y'know?
*other ******* in the session nod their heads in agreement*
"Now does anyone have questions for J?".....
"Yes" *chubby ******* raises his hand* "J, what do you think your going to do if you do decide that you are going to try to live a productive and fulfilling life and try to work against your odds to become the man you want to be in your dreams?"
............ ... I ..... *face palm*
*gets chocked up a little bit* ..........
I think if I decide to follow my dreams I will break away from all this bullshit at home and start college in a new town next to the ocean where I can be happy and I want to apprentice with a famous submarine expert by the name of Stanley, Karl Stanley....
"Thank you J for letting us know about your self." *session ******** applaud*
fml.... I just wanna be held.