My Sadness

I began my battle around age 15. I kept myself busy then, happy to be so much healthier than I had always been as a child. I committed myself to a number of programs, commuting to and from school and work so early and late each day that I never saw the sun for many weeks at a time. At the same time I developed crippling migraine headaches, triggered by almost everything I was used to eating, and any strong light, smell, or sound. I was bewildered and exhausted, and had never heard of seasonal affective disorder. The world collapsed around me. By January I was laying in the dark in my room all day, unable to move, crippled by darkness, and afraid to let myself touch anything sharp. I didn't know how to tell anyone what was wrong with me, and it hurt that my own family thought I had suddenly turned "lazy." I survived alone. By summer I had recovered somewhat, but the next year around the same time it happened again, and worse.

Since then, family and financial problems, an abusive 4 year relationship, and a serious back injury have made my battle constant. To top it off, I have not had a refreshing night's sleep in six years, my memory and concentration are shot because of it, and I have had a headache every single day since I was 17. Lately things have been getting more difficult, and I am sad a lot, but I am thankful for the people and things in my life that have pulled me through thus far. I trust that by learning to do all I can to help myself, I will get by okay. Thank you for reading my story!
caerulea caerulea
22-25, F
2 Responses May 28, 2007

I don't know if i should suggest this or not,but I am on a medication that helps with mood stabilation and also doubles as a migraine reliever. It is called Topamax. I do not know if it is something your DR. would think you should take but it would not hurt to ask about it. It has helped me and I suffer from the seasonal thing along with bipolar also. I am not trying to be a Dr. here. It just struck me that maybe this is something that would help you is all. Good luck to you.

OMG thank you for sharing your story! I have battled depression from the time i was 14 years old. I too suffer from horrible migraines and have for about five years. Before that it was just headaches once in awhile, they are every day thing now. Sleep has been something that i take when i can get it! Some times i find i don't sleep much at all through the night. I have been on antidepressents from the time i was 19 and they have helped some what but some times i even feel like they are not much help. <br />
reading your story let's me know that there is someone that has the same problems as i do out there!<br />
*HUGS*