Why Am I Depressed.?

I'm 14 years old. Some people may think that's too young of an age to be depressed. But I am. I hate my life. My dad divorced my mother when she was in the hospital pretty much by the cause of his stupidity. I've seen him throughout my life but he's not a dad. He's... Stupid. It's like his brain isn't there. All he cares about is his electronics and toys. He never texts or calls me. And at night i find myself crying, because I just wish he could be there for me, as much as my mother has. I mean, She tries to be there for me. But she doesn't know i battle depression and suicidal thoughts. My moms been in a Psych Ward. She has suicidal thoughts as well and is on anti depressant pills. Sometimes I think i should go to the doctors to get some. But i don't want to be diagnosed with depression. I just don't. I just want to get better. My whole life I've wished for a bright future. At the age of seven i asked my grandpa to set up a bank account for me, for college. No one ever did. But i don't even care anymore. I mean, What am I going to do . I'm not good at anything. I give up on everything. I don't know what my future holds and I'm scared I'm just going to be sitting around doing nothing my whole life. I'm an emotional wreck . Anywho. I have cuts. A few on my wrists. More on my legs and hips. But more bite marks and bruises than anything. I think i have little anger problems . Not anger towards others though, Anger towards myself. Because i hate myself. I feel as if I'm an idiot. Like i'm ugly, useless, a waste of space. And i don't know what to do . The only thing that makes me better is helping people. But only people who will actually take into consideration what i'm trying to tell them . Thing is, I love helping others. But i just cant seem to help myself. I want help. But i feel like it's too much to ask for. I don't feel like i have the right to talk about things that upset me, because i know others have it worse. Anywho , This is only the least of my problems. Oh well. I just want to help people.. Help me, help you ? No? Okay ...
katieemarieexoxo katieemarieexoxo
13-15, F
3 Responses Feb 7, 2013

Sweet girl, don't be sad. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can become whomever and whatever you want. The world is your oyster.
If helping others makes you happy, do some volunteer work at a hospital. shelter, food bank, etc... Maybe nursing or social work is a profession you might like to consider as you get older.
I had to become a mother myself to finally be able forgive my own mother for being such a lousy parent. Try talking to your dad because you will feel better and he may have no idea you are feeling so unhappy. As for antidepressants, they're really not so terrible, if you need them. You don't have to take them forever. I started suffering from depression 8 years ago. When things were at their darkest, the pills helped me pull through. I weined off of them pretty easily after a couple of years. No one needs to know besides you, your doctor and dad/mom. I really hope the best for you. Remember, the best years of your life are still ahead of you. You are going to be happy and have so much fun.

Thank you (':

You are not the problem. No child should ever feel unloved or worthless, especially someone like you who has been through so much already.
You have every right to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to be able to trust adults to look out for your best interests.
For you, I wish a brighter tomorrow.

I wish the same as well.. Thank you (':

Hey there :) I'm not entirely sure what you can do about your father, have you spoken to him about your feelings? Sometimes the people we love can be oblivious to our emotions and I think a talk with him would do you both some good.
Talking to your friends whenever you feel upset is also a good way to fight the blues. I know whenever I'm down, it's my friends that make me feel normal and cheerful once again. If you ever need someone to tell your feelings to, you can always message me. :) And I know for a fact you're not useless! If you love to help people, that shows a strong sign of compassion and worthiness. Besides, there is no one (and never will be) someone like you. Cherish who you are and take pride in yourself! I'm a nobody from a small Australian town. I'm not pretty, or talented, or even a good person. But I love myself because I'm me and nothing will ever change that, no matter how insignificant I am, and this applies to you too! There is no other katieemarieexoxo, so love yourself girl!

This made me smile (': Thank you so much. No . I haven't really talked to him about it. When i was younger i kind of did though, but all he told me was "It's not that bad, it's not a big deal" Or something like that . Maybe I'll try to talk to him next time i see him. Which may be a while, and i know tears will probably flood from my eyes. But oh well . And The thing is, I don't really have ' friends' . I push people away . That's just what i do . And i like the hurt from the outcome when they do leave and i have nobody . My heads all messed up . I guess its not screwed on straight . But i dont know how to fix it -.- You helped a lot though . You're right . There isn't another me .. So i should love myself .. I don't know . I try . And you are a good person, really (: Thank you so much. ^.^

No problem :) I really hope you can patch things up with him. And your head is screwed on just fine! I understand it's scary to be vulnerable in front of people, and to put yourself out there. But you will benefit with friends in your life, someone to confide in when these things happen. I'm glad I helped (I thought I sounded so cheesy hehe) and I hope you can find some good things in your life that will make you want to see tomorrow. Stay strong! x

I hope so as well .. (: Thank you though, much . I'm Trying (: