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Happily Depressed

Most people can't even tell that I am depressed ... I guess it's because im always laughing and smiling but in all honesty im so depressed I wish I had someone to talk to who could understand me truly I dont want to die or commit suicide its not that kind of depression I actually like being alive and being awkward I guess im happily depressed.
HippieNation16 HippieNation16 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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I know a great deal of comedians - part of an improv troupe I'm with. On stage in performances you would think their whole lives are just fun and laughs. But when you talk to them one-on-one, a good number of them are battling with depression. One in particular "came out" to me a few years ago (that he battled depression) and it floored me. I would have never guessed that this intelligent, fun-loving guy would ever be depressed. I felt sad for him, but it also gave me hope that someone else might be feeling the way I do.

May I ask the reason for your depression?

That’s a great question… (It’s hard for me to explain) I’m depressed for so many different reasons I’ll give you a few. When I become close to someone and come to love them I cause nothing but pain and misery I think there’s something wrong with me (it’s really hard to explain) I’m like the vampire in a novel that people want to love but the vampire doesn’t want to love the people back because she knows after years pass the people that she love will die because there human and she is sad that she will be alive forever and the cycle will repeat over and over agin and she couldn’t turn the ones she loved into vampires because she can’t even if she really wanted too she also can’t commit suicide even if she tried to kill herself she couldn’t die and no one or anything could kill her. (I really can’t explain) I tried to explain the best way I knew how to so I could help you understand but I don’t think I have done a great job. Other reasons: parents, school, imprinting, and also the struggles you know how everyone kind of go’s through a life changing hardship like parents divorcing, being diagnosed with a disease, relationship problems, being bullied. I feel like I don’t have life changing moments it’s more like an ongoing cycle but I’m very optimistic and I hope I answered your question I tried the best way I could your response to this should be interesting.

Thank you for trying to explain. I understand better now I wish my response was interesting but I really dont have anything to say beside I hope in writing what makes you hurt makes you better understand your pain and feel better about it.

You’re Welcome. Thank you so much... and actually your response was very interesting (everything is interesting) and yeah wow thank you for commenting and just being yourself.