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I Battle Depression

Little White Flag...

By: wickedties
Written on February 7th, 2013
How do I say this?
There is an inner sadness that is eating me from the inside out. And while there are brief moments of happiness, they are fleeting moments that last but minutes and feel more like a memory. A memory I am slowing beginning to disassociate from. I attempt to hold on to those memories through words, pictures yet they have become too painful as they are just a memory of what my life has become; continuous pain hidden under my mask. To be honest, I do not recall what true happiness on me looks like. Every day, EVERY SINGLE day is a struggle. I am growing tired, exhausted really....I know the logic of it all yet my heart does not feel it. Instead feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, fear overwhelm my heart...my soul...and my mind is left battling it all alone. I am left wondering if surrender is better than living through this battle. And if I surrender, can I ever be experience happiness again where if be in this lifetime or another
By: wickedties
Age: 41-45 , Female
111 people have read this story

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4 responses
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    jackplug
    jackplug

    your a wonderful person and I cannot see you without someone in your life. Ok its not now, but time to reflect and grow stronger within yourself. I feel your sadness I really do, but if you cant love yourself then how is anyone else gonna do it.

    I ain't gonna slap your wrists or kick your arse, cos i know how hard it is these days to find that person who will fill that void. What I will say to you is, never ever surrender. Don't you dare give up, a magical person like you would fill a room full of colour and warmth. You made me smile many a day, just wish you was around the corner then I could kick your arse and slap your wrists!! :D

    Apr 2
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    wickedties
    wickedties

    Coolrunner..thank you for the comment.

    I have had two bad bouts of depression in my life; both requiring medications and a little visit to the hospital. I DONT ever want to be there again!! I have learnt to recognize my depression and have, after time, been able to work my way through it (without medication).
    I recognize my triggers and like you I attempt to avoid them (however one of mine is not my significant other- that's gotta be a little trickier!?!)

    I am thinking of taking up boxing ( cant run anymore), maybe that will help me....

    Thank you again for the comment! *smiles*

    Feb 21
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      coolrunner
      coolrunner

      it was my pleasure.. thanks for your sweet reply... i also immerse my self in work... try not be alone... and as you clearly said .. avoid the triggers... i don't believe so much in medications.. it is a battle that you need to fight by yourself ... smile .. that also helps... relax .... spa's help as well :) ... Good luck with everything.... just try to hate being in the state of depression and uselessness ... there is much to do in life... but most importantly it is you... find the energy within ... and snap out of it...burning incense also might help... yoga and any other sports... wishing all the best of life.... Depression what a waist of life.. .don't let it get you.. you are too pretty for it ;)

      Apr 30
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    coolrunner
    coolrunner

    i suffered from depression for so many years .... snapping out of it is the quickest fix.. you get tired of being so down all the time and you decide no more... also to stop making wrong choices ... drinking when it is not necessary ... sports is a big help .... for me i found the best cure is to be not depressed is avoiding my wife as much as i can :)

    Feb 20
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