Unhappy Life

Ive had depression for approx 30 years now probably since the day I was attacked and raped at10 yo.in my teens I did not recognise it or understand itit thought I just didnt like life my parents probably just thought im a moody teen but once I hit my twenties it got worse.The worse it got the more I shut myself away and the more I hated being alive.
When I met my wife once I hit 30 who happens to be a mental health nurse she pushed me to finally get some help.so I did I was referd for cbt and put on strong antidepressants which I have to be honest hit me like a ton of bricks then becane 5-6years of changing meds doing theropys and trying to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions and moods.last year I hit bottom in fact I went through the floor I went to a specialist centre for rape victoms which opened a can of worms I woke up every morning angry I had woke up at all I wanted to die.
Eventually while under the care of the crisis team I tried to end it twice both times someone got to me first.I was lossing my mind started cuting myself stabbing my stomach my wife had to lock knives and scissors away.I was offerd a choice mental hospital or a halfway house with 24hr suport staff gor time away.
Chose the halfway house and when I came out I got a dog and started walking for miles now I dont no at what point but I had changed I was picking myself up and had a more positive and spontaneous look on life and now im doing ok im not cured if there is such a thing but ive leveled out and can function once more I feel its time to start over .
chuzan chuzan
41-45, M
1 Response Feb 12, 2013

Im so happy you have found some help . We have to do this one day at a time. Just keep pushing forward. You will find support here too. Glad to have you here. a very special guy on here keep me from ending my life . Depression can really be bad, We just have to look for the light in our lives. Hang in there, Im here for you , message me anytime. have a good day.Rita

Thank you means a lot well one friend on hear has done same for me recently